Thunder Thigh Bride

About Time...The Winner is...

2010-11-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

I know, I know it's been forever...

The winner of the CSN stores giveaway is Whitney from Getting Healthy!
Congrats!
Please email me at thunder.thigh.bride@gmail.com and I'll send you your prize!

Now on to the depressing stuff. It's kind of obvious that I've fallen face first off the wagon because I've been in hiding for quite sometime. I'm ashamed because I just can't seem to get my groove back since the wedding. I figured, it would be a party and then back to real life. Apparently getting married doesn't work that way. So to make a long story short. I'm going to take a bit of a break from the blogging world to regroup. I'll be back in January, but at my new blog home Thunder Thigh Wife . I will not be posting anything new here, no worries though the blog will still be active so you can still read your favorite entries.

I can't believe ya'll don't like FREE STUFF!

2010-10-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

Wowzers! Ya'll must not like free moola!

Contest ends TOMORROW at 12pm CST!

FREEEEEEEE $35 to CSNstores!

Four different ways to play!

Enter here.

Cha..Cha...Changes. (Giveaway!)

2010-10-19T21:10:00.000-07:00

Oh my darlings when you get married it's amazing how much random crap you need to set up house!

So when CSN Stores contacted me asking if I wanted to

a. review a product

b. give away another e-gift certificate

I was tempted to selfishly use the moola on a new ottoman coffee table (the puppy demolished our original coffee table), or maybe some new kitchen gear. The choices are endless with their 200+ online stores.

That's when I had a bright idea.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've been absent a lot lately. I'll be honest the weight loss isn't going...well at all. I've been stressed. Why?

I'm making the jump to a new site...figure I can't be a bride forever.

Where am I going with this?

I've decided to fore-go my chance at free stuff to pass the opportunity on to you. My lovely readers!

The same rules apply as last time. Contest is only open to US and Canadian residents (I'm working something out for my international homies on the new blog...don't worry).

We're playing for a $35 giftcard this time.

Here's how to enter:
1. Become a follower of this blog. (Please leave a comment when you do/if you already are)
2. Become a follower of thunder-thigh-wife.blogspot.com (Please leave a comment when you do/if you already are)
3.Comment on this post
4. Extra entry if you post this giveaway on your blog with a link back! (please leave a comment w/link to post)

Contest ends on the 26th of October @ 12pm Central Standard Time.

Foggy Day...Honeymoon Pictures.

2010-10-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

Actually we had glorious weather in London!

I've tried to sit and write a wedding week recap since I've been home but nothing comes to me. It was all a blur so I've decided to skip the wedding recap itself. Things came out great. You've seen the pictures. Now lets move on to the fun stuff!

Okay so maybe it wasn't as fun as it should have been. The day before we left London we called the St. George Hotel about the fact that they had not charged the required deposit. They were extremely rude, the big guy decided to brush it off and give them a call in the morning. Well when he called back, the same man answered the phone and had canceled out our reservation for nonpayment. Shame, Shame.

Luckily, the big guy and I are pretty resourceful. We brushed that whole experience off (if the dude didn't want our money we weren't going to make him take it) and book another hotel the morning we were supposed to leave for London. We ended booking at the Raglan Hotel which had REALLY mixed reviews. We were a little scared but for the price and the location we gave it a shot.
It turned out being AWESOME! I did end up getting sick the second day we were there, so I could only breathe out of one nostril. But I was in London damnit! Between being sick and broke we had to pick and choose what things we really wanted to see. It was all good though. I almost didn't come back. When we landed back in the states the big guy and I couldn't help but compare all of the little things we (American's) do differently from the Brits.

Needless to say I'm saving my boxes for the move. LOL.

Here are some of the pictures we took. Including some of our honeymoon suite at the Palazzo Hotel in Vegas, which we lucked out on. ; )

Next post will be weigh in results from after the honeymoon and this last weekend.

I'm Baaaack!

2010-10-06T12:14:00.000-07:00

Did ya miss me? I hope so! I'm still working somethings out but I wanted to post this lovely little award I got from Christina while on hiatus.

Like everything there is a catch, though a small one.

I've gotta answer a question and pass the award to 6 peeps (kinda like chain mail).

"If you had one chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?”

I would change the way I acted towards people when I was thinner. Contrary to popular belief I didn't always have thunder thighs. In fact I had pretty bad a$$ legs, I played catcher for several years on our local softball league and I worked out five days a week in a weight room all through high school. I even briefly had stints on the soccer field and basketball courts! Needless to say I looked good, I knew it, and I didn't hesitate to rub it in other peoples faces. It's something as an adult that I look back on and cringe at.

Now I must pass this award on to six people and inform them of this award. In no apparent order:

Mark @ http://fatophobia.com/ - I doubt he will post this pretty pink cupcake on his blog but he definitely deserves one (the award...not cupcakes! We're on diets here!). Not only is he highly entertaining, he's extremely talented. He offers SEVERAL helpful tools on his site including free weight loss and food trackers. There is no reason you should not check them out!

Laura @ http://nomoreweightforme.blogspot.com/ - You might remember Laura as the lucky winner of my give away. I just so happen to stalk her blog religiously even if I'm still waiting on my smoothies...

Whitney @ http://www.slimmingdownforthegown.com/ - This girl is gearing up for her wedding next year and she's kicking butt! She's lost a butt load of weight (lol), and she's just finished RUNNING her first 5K. Plus she's a fellow Texan which automatically makes her awesome!

Cathy @ http://alifelesssweet.blogspot.com/ - Everything you've ever wanted to know about the ingredients in your food. Broken down into understandable terms by a mom with a Ph. D in Chemical Engineering. Super interesting for geeks like me.

Debbie @ http://justquiteating.blogspot.com/ - Talk about another blogger kicking butt! Debbie is extremely inspirational! She posts daily food logs and is all around just fun to read! Gotta Lurve it!

Sharron @ http://cactusfreek.blogspot.com/ - This blogger seems to be having a VERY rough year. While most would be falling face first into a buffet she's had the strength to pick herself back up and start over again. Very inspirational!

You don't see me...

2010-10-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

I'm on break really. Seriously. I just wanted to post some of the wedding pictures that I promised ya'll. I will post honeymoon pictures/trip breakdown when I'm officially "back" from my self-imposed vacation.
Anyway...Enjoy.

The Bride has offically become a Wife...

2010-09-29T10:35:00.000-07:00

Well ladies and gents...the deed has been done.

I've been meaning to update for quite sometime but between the mad dash around Vegas with last minute preparations, family visits, drunken debauchery, all out wedding mayhem, and transatlantic flights.

It just never happened.

I am super psyched to report that I managed to buckle the seat belts on all of our flights without a seat belt extender!

I have so many things to update, there are so many changes in store for this blog, not to mention all of the personal changes that we're working on.

I'm going to take a week to decompress, come up with a game plan, and just catch up.

I thank you all so much for your continued support and understanding!

I'm just going to go hyperventilate in the corner now.

2010-09-14T06:52:00.000-07:00

Not to sound like a valley girl or anything but...

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!

In four days I'll go from Thunder Thigh Bride to Thunder Thigh Wife.

Just four flippin' days.

I've been in panic mode since Friday.

My sleep schedule is out of whack, eating has gone to hell in a hand basket, oddly enough exercise has been okay even though I may not be at a gym or walking laps. Cleaning your house in four inch stilettos will do amazing things to your legs! Not to mention the cardio I've gotten running from one end of the mall to the other in search for the perfect shade of lip gloss.

Yep, I have turned into that type of girl.

Weigh in was definitely not impressive but considering the lake of restraint in the food department it was pretty good 274.4 a loss of .2lbs not bad.

The cake issue of the forgotten cake has officially been taken care of.

We settled on three flavors of cupcakes from Retro Bakery:

Chocolate Fountain:

Chocolate cake topped with chocolate buttercream and dipped in chocolate ganache

Red Carpet:

Red cake topped with almond buttercream and red glitter sugar

Cookies and Cream:

Chocolate cake topped with crushed, chocolate sandwich cookie buttercream

Noms. I think I gained 10 pounds just looking at all of the buttercream! We're also getting a little 6 inch cake in the chocolate fountain flavor with little red polka dots on it so we can do the traditional bride/groom cut the cake thing.

Then we realized we forgot to order champagne for the toast... ACK!

I'm so ready for this to be over.
I really just want my life to go back to normal.
I miss the routine. I miss my 8 hours of sleep. I didn't think I'd ever say this, but I really miss my diet. My anxiety levels are through the roof and I've turned into a giant crybaby.

I've banned myself from WE tv and TLC channels because the second I see a bride I start blubbering.

I have no idea if I will be able to update while we are on the road. We most likely won't have phone service in London. Vegas we'll have to see if I can sweet talk a family member with a laptop.

I will try to update one last time before we leave for Sin City tomorrow.

What was that sound?

2010-09-07T09:57:00.000-07:00

Oh...that's just the sound of another goal getting b*tch slapped into submission.

What the heck am I talking about?

Somebody cue the rocky music...

Please forgive the blurriness!

Guess who managed to wiggle her fat booty into her skinny jeans this morning?

Okay so what if I had to lay on the bed and pull the zipper up using a coat hanger?

These suckers are on!

I can't wait until they get looser...I really miss being able to breathe.

Weigh in for the week wasn’t the best: 274.6

: /

I haven’t really been on top of my game lately.

I hope all of my American peeps had an enjoyable Labor day weekend! I know I did!

We had parties, family BBQ's, shotgun blasts, fights, liquour, rain...

You know all the fun stuff!

I think one of my bridesmaids and groomsmen summed it up in one picture...

Classy right?

Oh how I love my friends.

Ta-ta for now loves!

Just make it stop already!

2010-08-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry I've been so inconsistent with my posts and commenting on all of your blogs!
I've been going in forty different directions lately!
I did not have time this weekend to weigh in. I've been working overtime like a fiend! It seems like with all this wedding bs I'm spending money faster than I can make it.
On top of all the overtime, I'm trying to throw together a family tree, finish up my crafty wedding projects, and just generally not kill people.
I'm so tired of drama.
It seems like this wedding has done nothing but stir it up. If it's not one thing it's another. I thought a wedding was supposed to be about the two people who were getting married, not everyone elses BS!
Sorry I'm exhausted so if this doesn't make sense...forgive me.
Eating hasn't been atrocious when I remember to eat. I've been getting headaches more consistently because I forget that I need food and tend to go a long time between meals. Exercise has been pretty good. I'm walking and started doing some light yoga in the morning. It's helped relieve a little of the stress...but not all of it.
Well I need to get back to work just wanted to drop a line to let you guys know I'm not dead, and I'm still keeping on!

The devil on my shoulder...

2010-08-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

just so happens to be a persuasive little jerk.

You know what I'm talking about. You're having a bad day at work or home. You find yourself longing for something greasy...say Chinese for dinner.

An internal struggle ensues.

The angel on your shoulder gently reminds you: that it's just stress that's causing the craving, to look up the calorie counts on the things you want to eat, of all the weight you have lost so far and how far you might set yourself back if you over-indulge.

The devil reminds you: that you left your lunch on the kitchen table to spoil, your significant other left his/her dirty clothes all over the apartment, your boss treats you like an idiot, your last weigh-in was crap, you really don't want to cook or clean up afterwards, and really who cares how much weight you have lost so far when you know you'll just gain it back again eventually. Oh and lets not forget...you're ugly and your momma dresses you funny.

*sigh* It seems that the devil on my shoulder has been winning a lot lately.

The sad truth is I'm the only one to blame. After all, the devil is just doing his job.

I on the other hand know EXACTLY what I should be doing.

I even have the tools to help myself.

I just don't.

JackSh*t and The Anti-Jared have teamed up to embark on the All Loser's Challenge.

What is the All Loser's Challenge you ask?

Simple, write down your weight now, write down what you want to weigh by
December 31st, 2010 and then do it. - The Anti Jared

I have a lot of respect for both of these men.

So I'm gonna go all in and shake that little jerk off my shoulder.

By December 31st, 2010 I will weigh 240 pounds.

What about you?

Diets Gone Wild

2010-08-23T06:22:00.000-07:00

Last Week Weigh in: 273.6

This Week Weigh in: 275

Just call me Ms. Cleo!

The gain was most likely due to the Pina Coladas on Saturday evening (8/14) with the in laws. After that I don't think I ever had a chance for recovering the week.

So what's a girl to do when the scale is up and her self-esteem is down?

Well this girl, forgets to take her medicine then goes to a 21st birthday party where she proceeds to drown her sorrows in chips, queso, mixed drinks and jello shots.

Yeah I know.

I did somehow manage to escape the clutches of the birthday cake which is a plus right?

Sunday, we cleaned all day in preparation for dinner with our neighbor. He just so happens to be a bada$$ chef. Like really. He made halibut with sliced avocado and poblano cream sauce. Sides were (kick butt) spinach and roasted herb potato's w/sliced bell peppers. We topped it off with a glass of red wine.

Good food, good wine, good company it was an excellent end to a hectic week. We've definetly been blessed with some awesome neighbors!

The rest of the night was spent watching TrueBlood, the big guys fantasy football draft and laughing as our neighbors spied into each others windows with flashlights (it's a long, yet amusing story).

This week I've gotta buckle down. I've been a little girl gone wild lately on the diet front.

I'm still <--------------> this far from reaching the skinny jean goal.

I must FOOOOOCUUUUS...26 days...that's all the time I have left until Vegas.

I've gotta make em count!

So who is going to volunteer to be my butt kicker for the next 26 days?

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

And the winner is...

2010-08-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

First off I want to thank all of you who participated in my very first give away!

I loaded all of your entries into excel and let random.org do the picking.

The winner of the 40 dollar gift certificate to CSN Stores is...

LAURA from No More Weight for Me!

Congrats on the win Laura!

I expect to have smoothies shipped to my door once you get your new blender!

; )

Please send me an email at thunder(dot)thigh(dot)bride(at)gmail(dot)com to claim your prize!

I'm feeling psychic.

2010-08-20T11:10:00.001-07:00

I'm going to have a bad weigh in tomorrow I can feel it. In fact starting Sunday of last week I've felt it. I've taken my medicine, I've tracked (even when it was bad), I've drank my water.

I just can't seem to shake the feeling that bad things are going to happen on the scale tomorrow.

Hmm...

Here is my food log for yesterday. I did alright.

I'll post more tomorrow.

Remember the "I lose you win contest" doesn't end until 7pm central tonight so if you haven't entered you still have sometime to do so!

Last Day for the 40 Dollar Give Away!!

2010-08-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Now I know you don't wanna miss out on a free $40 gift certificate to CSN Stores!

Time is running out though!

Last chance to enter is 7p CST tonight!

To view rules or to enter the contest visit this post.

Winner will be announced on August 22nd (which is Sunday)!

Disclosure:

CSN Stores is providing my readers with the gift certificate. I received no compensation for this post.

Is that Hillary Clinton in a tree?

2010-08-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

Now this has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss but I'm going to post it anyway.

My Facebook was bombarded with status updates from my Aunt Amy and her children about their kitten Hillary Clinton. Apparently she got stuck up in a tree for over a day (the cat...not my aunt or the politician). The story caught the eye of the local media, then made it's way to the national media.

Check it out!

*le sigh*

At least this is better than one of my little cousins showing up on COPS right?

BTW I have no clue if they ever got the darn cat out of the tree...

Somedays you feel like a nut...

2010-08-17T10:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like your head is about to spin from your shoulders? That is how I'm feeling today. Tomorrow we will be officially one month from our big day. I'm so ready to hide under my covers until then. My to do list seems to be multiplying by the second as I realize I've forgotten key parts of a typical wedding...like er...ordering the cake.
Wedding dress still hasn't been taken in. Luckily, the cleaners down the street are able to do alterations on site in 3-4 business days. I have a feeling they are the people I'll end up taking my dress to.
I've finally figured out wedding favors. We're going to buy Hershey bars and I'm planning on covering them in left over collages from our invitations to carry on the Old Vegas vibe. I've managed to create a "sticker" with our names & wedding date in Microsoft Word to stick on em.
My creative/resourceful streak has definitely been getting a workout lately!
I'll have to post pictures once all is said and done. If I remember to hire a photographer.

Diet has been okay. This weekend was a rough one marred by Pina Colada's & insane fast food consumption. We did manage to get to the grocery store though. We stocked up on enough food to get us through to the wedding. I bought lunches for myself, as well as better breakfast options. I'm trying to increase the amount I eat in the mornings to keep myself from getting sick and dizzy throughout the day. I also hope doing this will help to keep me away from the snacks. I stopped tracking this weekend which totally contributed to the insane fast food-fest. I've started back up this morning though.

The big guy and I have officially declared our apartment a fast food free-zone (yes again). Every spare cent is getting dumped into our Vegas Fund. After all a dollar spent on a cheeseburger...is a dollar we could have used at the craps table!

Exercise is close to nil. I try to sneak a walk in here and there but it's been super hot in South Texas. By hot I mean miserably humid...it gets up to 101 but then you have 30% humidity on top of that! Instead of exercise I've been trying to attack my household chores with a new vigour, I figure something is better than nothing. Besides I really want to have a clean house by the time we leave on our two week long wedding marathon!

Well...I'm off to catch up on some of your blogs...just a quick question before I go.

How do you feel about blogs that post food logs?

My loss is your gain (GIVEAWAY)!

2010-08-16T07:06:00.001-07:00

Last weeks weigh in: 277.6

This weeks weigh in: 273.6

Total week loss: 4 lbs!

We are back in business folks!

This officially puts me at 28.4 pounds lost overall! You know what that means!

I've offically cleared my initial goal of 25 lbs...

it's now time to unveil the surprise I've been hinting about for the past few weeks!

Do you need some new dinnerware for the upcoming holidays? Or maybe you've been thinking about some new workout gear, like this awesome weighted hula hoop. What about that new blender you've been promising yourself for smoothies (or margartias)?

CSN Stores has been kind enough to provide us with a $40 gift certificate to any one of their 200+ stores! As an added bonus they offer free shipping on a bunch of their products!

Here are the rules:

This giveaway is only for my peeps in the States and Canada. Sorry my International homies maybe next time!

You can enter three ways:

Comment on this post, I wanna hear what you would buy if you won!

Follow me, if you already do make sure to include that in a comment.

If you have a blog, mention this giveaway and link back to this post (don't forget to comment w/a link showing the mention!).

Three different ways to enter, three chances to win!

The contest ends on Friday at 7pm CST, the winner will be chosen at random. Results will be posted on Saturday August 22, 2010.

Good Luck!!!

Disclosure: CSN Stores is providing my readers with the gift certificate. I received no compensation for this post.

Hunger Map take two...

2010-08-13T06:58:00.001-07:00

So...I do have to say take two of the hunger map was definitely a better portrayal of my typical crappy eating habits. It wasn't like a tried or anything, it just happened.

I'm glad I did this exercise again, it differently brought a few things to light.

Things I've learned:

I tend to munch at night if I can't sleep.

I need to eat more protein in the mornings to help stay fuller longer.

Snacks? Where did the snacks go? Need small healthy snacks throughout the day.

I drink too much diet soda and not enough water.

It's much easier to break down what you need to do when you have hand written proof of your screw ups and you can see the pattern between what you eat, why you eat and how you feel. I'm guessing I've been having problems falling asleep because of wedding stress. We've been plotting things out financially and it's going to be tight. On top of that we've had all of the wedding party drama, lost invitations, family drama, I've yet to order the cake and I still haven't gotten my dress taken in! Ahhh!!!!

One positive though. I busted out the skinny jeans...my new goal. I grabbed the biggest pair pulled em up...and surprisingly I was this [---------------] close to actually getting them buttoned!

Weigh-in is tomorrow. Hopefully I FINALLY hit my goal. Fingers crossed!

Hungry? Map it!

2010-08-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

A blast from the past is sometimes the thing we need.
Before the tracking, before the exercise, before I even had followers, I made a hunger map.
I "borrowed" the idea from the Token Fat Girls Hunger Map.
You basically write down everything you eat as well as how you feel. For example: if you were hungry, not hungry yet but eating to stave off hunger later, STARVING, etc.
It's a real eye opener!
You can see my first hunger map here. If you can read the teeny tiny writing on the original you will see that I had cordial cherries and coffee for breakfast that morning...so healthy! When I had completed this exercise I was amazed at how much sugar and unconscious snacking was going on.

There's no doubt about it tracking calories does help cut down on unconscious eating. At the same time though, if you don't understand why you are eating you are just staving off the inevitable. For example if you eat out of boredom you will eventually reach for the chips and junk food. There are tons of books on intuitive eating, it's a hard thing to master though.

Anyway I figured it was past time for a check up...I'm not sure how to use our new printer/scanner/fax machine/thingy-ma-jig. So I just typed it out for ya'll and did a screen shot.

Hunger Map 11 August '10

Well...I have to say this go around was MUCH better than the last one. No candy at all this time! One common thread of both Hunger Maps though is constant hunger throughout the day. This time around though I've got the migraine, which undoubtedly came from the fact that I ate so little during the day. When I woke up last night I checked my Lose it! app and I had only taken in a little over 900 calories before dinner. Even with my late night snacking I came in for under 1400 calories for the day. Some might say that's awesome. For me I think I need to eat more. There's no reason why I should be hungry and it's definitely unhealthy if I'm getting crippling headaches. I see the migraine as my bodies way of saying "enough dude...just eat something".

I'm going to try it again today because I ate a heartier breakfast and post the results tomorrow!

Gettin' the party started...wedding style.

2010-08-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

I don't know if we will be able to have a first dance or a father/daughter dance at our reception venue.

A dance floor or lack of wasn't a deal breaker for us mainly because we were planning to pay for everything ourselves. Which translates into we were going for the best value for the buck (aka: CHEAP) not amenities.

Unfortunately, in Vegas cheap is McD's dollar menu or all you can eat buffet. We found Buca di Beppo which is apparently an Italian restraunt chain, from reviews I've read it's like a TGI Friday's meets Olive Garden. They gave us an awesome all inclusive deal on the entire meal they offered to even do the cake, as well as decorate the tables. Another bonus the coordinator there seems competent.

I just wish I knew if we were going to have a little party room or if we'll just be stuffed in a corner, so I can plan accordingly. It stinks because we won't know what we are dealing with until we get there, which leaves us only three days to come up with a solution if one is needed. I don't care if I have to knock tables over or dance out in the parking lot. I'm getting dances with my boys. ; )

Here are the songs we've decided on, we're going to burn a CD with both on them.

"Somebody Loved" by the Weepies, is our first dance song. The big guy absolutely, positively did not want a mushy, gushy generic love song. "No Boys II Men" he kept repeating. When I discovered this song though it all just clicked. It just felt like us. I played this along with a few oldies but goodies from the likes of Frank Sinatra and Nat King Cole for the big guy to get his input on it. He agreed with me that this was the song. He then had a hearty laugh about the line "The night I first ran away from you" because I ran away from him on our first date...literally(it's a funny story...I'll have to share later).

My Father/Daughter dance is going to be "I Loved Her First" by Heartland. EVERY time I hear this song I start to bawl like a baby. It's about his father on his daughters wedding day. I get all teary eyed just typing this...so you'll just want to check it out below.

Just in case the preview doesn't show up or doesn't load here are the lyrics for each song.

Somebody Loved - The Weepies
Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved

Someday when we're old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

I Loved Her First - Heartland

Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love you're alone in this place
Like there's nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I'm not gonna stand in your way

But I loved her first, I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it's still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time

I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it's still hard to give her away
I loved her first

From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first

It wouldn't be a post without a question at the end...so here it goes.

If you are married what was your first dance song and how did you choose it? If not what song do you think you would pick at this point in your life?

Breakfast Taco's & Procrastination.

2010-08-10T06:50:00.000-07:00

Bean and Cheese breakfast taco's...you jerks!

Don't you know I'm supposed to be dieting?

You have no right to tempt me with your gooey cheese, warm tortilla and your 300 calories each...YIKES!

So I stopped off this morning for some breakfast taco's because I didn't want to have to mess with my kitchen this morning. I totally justified it by telling myself it would leave me more time to workout this morning.

Which totally did not happen.

I promised myself I'd workout tonight.

Because nothing leaves one quite so energetic as a working 8 hours, arguing common sense with the people who run our government.

*shudder*

So in other words it's probably not going to happen.

I will most likely get my 30 minute walk in though. So at least it's something.

The big guy has started swimming laps in our apartment pool at 5:30am.

I didn't even know there was a 5:30am!

It kinda makes me feel like a slacker because while he's getting his fitness on I'm off in LaLa land making out with Ryan Kwanten.

Eating was okay.

Breakfast: 1 c of Kashi's Heart to Heart Blueberry Cluster's w/ 1/2 c milk

Lunch: 1/4c of Parmesan Couscous

Snack: medium fuji apple

Dinner: 2c Chicken noodle casserole.

I love this casserole recipe! I found it on the back of a Cream of Mushroom can, it's my go to when I'm in a hurry and HAVE to make something at home.

I make a few substitutions to make it a little healthier...

1 can Campbell's® Mushroom Soup (low sodium)
1/2 cup milk (1% or 2%)
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 cups cubed cooked chicken

1-2 cups frozen veggies

2 cups cooked medium egg noodles (Ronzoni Healthy Harvest whole wheat egg noodles)

1/2 cup Cheddar cheese (optional)

Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees.
Mix everything but the cheddar cheese in a casserole dish
Bake for 25 minutes or until hot
While still warm sprinkle cheese on top (though it doesn't need it).

Noms!

Not sure about the calorie count. I'm too lazy to sit and workout the math. I'm sure you can find it somewhere online.

It's time for my walk but before I go one final question.

What is your go to recipe when you are running short on time?

Weigh-in let down...

2010-08-09T08:35:00.000-07:00

I was so sure I'd be able to unveil my surprise this weekend...no such luck.

Last week was a killer with all the MOH bs, our dog getting super sick, and TOM.

Unfortunately it reflected on the scale.

Weight last week - 277.8

Weight this week- 277.6

I guess I can't complain I'm still moving in the right direction even if it is slowly. So I guess we'll have to wait for next weeks weigh in...which sucks.

I wish I could say I didn't know how this could happen, but I do. Mr. Panda Express, Ms. Whataburger, and Mr. Jack in the Box were my solace last week. Sure I wasn't out of control portion wise, I tracked it all. All that salt though...ack! My daily average sodium intake last week was over 3,000 mg!

Water was close to nonexistent. I did walk four days last week for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. Hopefully I'll be able to pull it back together this week. It's too late in the game for this!

We're getting closer to the big day- 1month, 1 week, and 2 days to be exact. The number of emails, and phone calls from family members have tripled.

Everyday I look at the big guy and ask him why we didn't elope instead.

We were trying to keep our big day small, unfortunately it seems to be growing by the day. Our 30 people max has been upped to about 40 people...not that I'm complaining. It's just geez! For every person that has declined we have two that confirm.

I am getting excited though. It's going to be my first official trip to Vegas since I turned 21! Last trip I was still considered a 'minor'. Plus we were in such a rush to get home the big guy and I didn't have a chance to explore. I also get to hang out with my family again, which is always stressful but fun!

Question:

How do you keep yourself from overeating/going off plan during stressful times?

New Last Name...New Goal...

2010-08-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

So my lovelies! I haven't mentioned our honeymoon in quite sometime because quite frankly it felt like it wouldn't happen. There were so many times that it seemed like the world was batting against us. Now as we get closer things become more real. I can't believe I'm going to London! Our passports are in their special carrying case right next to the folder with all of our flight and hotel confirmations! We've even raised $200 with our Honeyfund (instead of a new crock pot you register for which parts of your honeymoon you'd like your family to pay for...just a classier way to beg for money)!

I watch reruns of the Tudors on Showtime, heck even specials on The History Channel and find myself blubbering like an idiot...because I'm going to be there in just over a month!

Heck, I'm going to be a wife in just over a month...

Sweet baby Jesus!

Anyway, the whole reason I brought this up is because I found a new useful tool that I wanted to share with you! It's a part of Yahoo travel, it's their trip planner (it's free you just have to have an account/email with them). I used it to sketch out a rough time line for our trip.

I figured I'd share what I've got so far because some of you have travelled more than I have and might have a bit more insight.

London, United Kingdom
Mon Sep 20 12:00pm - Sat Sep 25 10:00am

London Duck Tour
Tour of London on an amphibious patrol vehicle used in World War II.
Chicheley StLondon SE1 7PY, England
Mon Sep 20 3:00pm - Mon Sep 20 5:00pm
Cost 20 GBP per person.

Grim Reapers of London Tour
Our tour begins in the 1400’s – a time long before an official police force patrolled the shadowed alleys in the cit …More

Mon Sep 20 6:00pm - Mon Sep 20 8:30pm
9 GBP Per Person

The Grim Reapers of London Tour runs everyday at 6pm by the sundial directly opposite the exit of Tower Hill Underground Station.Look for your guide wearing a red t-shirt.

(Kudos to reader Emily for suggesting Sandemans walking tours!)

Tue 09/21/10 (day 7)

Tower Bridge

Designed by Sir Horace Jones and opened in 1894, Tower Bridge is famous the world over. Due to the volume of river t …

Tower Bridge RoadLondon, SE1 2United Kingdom+44 20 7403 3761
Tue Sep 21 8:00am - Tue Sep 21 9:00am

Tower of London
The Tower of London is mainly perceived as a medieval place of imprisonment and execution. Nine hundred years of his …

Tower Hill London, EC3N 4ABUnited Kingdom
+44 84 4482 7777
Tue Sep 21 9:00am - Tue Sep 21 11:30am

Entry cost 16.50 GBP Tower hours are 9a-6pFree tours led by Yeomen are every 1/2 hour starting 10a-4p. Tours leave from the main entrance near Middle Tower.

St. Paul's Cathedral
First built in 694 but destroyed by the Great Fire in 1666, the beautiful building that stands today was designed by …

St Paul's ChurchyardLondon, EC4M 8United Kingdom+44 20 7236 4128
Tue Sep 21 12:30pm - Tue Sep 21 2:00pm
10 GBP Per PersonHours: 830A-430P

Museum of London
The museum itself stands on the site of a Roman fort. It is the largest and probably the most comprehensive urban mu …
150 London WallLondon, EC2Y 5United Kingdom+44 20 7001 9844
Tue Sep 21 2:30pm - Tue Sep 21 4:30pm
Notes
Free admissionHours: 10a-5:50p

Millennium Bridge
As its name indicates, this bridge was built in honor of the third millennium. The steel structure was designed by a …
Riverside near St Paul's on North BankLondon, EC4V 3United Kingdom+44 20 7332 3450
Tue Sep 21 4:30pm - Tue Sep 21 5:30pm

Swan at the Globe
Dine at the Swan at the Globe for a glorious view of the Thames and a delightful, English culinary experience. The m …
22 New Globe WalkLondon, SE1 9United Kingdom+44 20 7928 9444
Tue Sep 21 5:45pm - Tue Sep 21 7:00pm

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre
21 New Globe Walk BanksideLondon SE1 9DT44(0) 20 7902 1400
Tue Sep 21 7:30pm - Tue Sep 21 9:30pm
Notes (Edit)
The Merry Wives of Windsor 19:30 Showing 5 GBP for Yard.

Wed 09/22/10 (day 8)
Westminster Abbey
Westminster Abbey is regarded as a Medieval architectural masterpiece. It has been the venue for most of the country …

20 Dean's YardLondon, SW1P 3United Kingdom+44 20 7222 5152
Wed Sep 22 9:30am - Wed Sep 22 11:00am
Notes
12 GBP Hours: 930a-6p

Buckingham Palace
Buckingham Palace RdSt. James, SW10207766-7300
Wed Sep 22 12:00pm - Wed Sep 22 2:00pm
Notes
Cost of entry is 16.50 GBPOpen daily 9:45a-6pRoyal Day out ticket 28 GBP Gives entry to State Rooms, Royal Mews as well as Queens Gallery.

Queen's Gallery
Located in London's Buckingham Palace , Queen's Gallery is a place where you can view fine art from the Royal Collec …

Buckingham Palace RoadLondon, SW1W 0United Kingdom+44 20 7766 7301
Wed Sep 22 2:00pm - Wed Sep 22 4:00pm
Notes
8.50 GBP entry feeOpen 10a-530pm

St. James's Park
St. James's Park and Green Park lie next to each other to the north and east of Buckingham Palace. The view from the …
Horse Guards RoadLondon, SW1A 2United Kingdom+44 20 7930 1793
Wed Sep 22 4:15pm - Wed Sep 22 4:45pm

Admiralty Arch
This ornate, Edwardian arch (which usually goes unnoticed) spans the entrance to The Mall from Trafalgar Square . Co …

Trafalgar SquareLondon, WC2N 5DXUnited Kingdom
Wed Sep 22 4:45pm - Wed Sep 22 5:00pm

Trafalgar Square
Trafalgar Square was built following the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. The man responsible for this famous naval vict …

Trafalgar SquareLondon, WC2N 5DXUnited Kingdom
Wed Sep 22 5:00pm - Wed Sep 22 5:30pm

National Portrait Gallery

The National Portrait Gallery houses portraits of movers and shakers in British history from the Tudors to the prese …

St Martin's PlaceLondon, WC2N 4United Kingdom+44 20 7312 2463
Wed Sep 22 5:30pm - Wed Sep 22 7:00pm

Big Ben
"Big Ben" is the name of the clock inside the famous tower that also forms part of the Houses of Parliament. Its imp …

Bridge StreetLondon, SW1A 2United Kingdom+44 20 7219 3000
Wed Sep 22 7:00pm - Wed Sep 22 7:30pm

Houses of Parliament

For over 900 years this impressive assemblage of Gothic buildings has been the home of British government. The build …

Westminster BridgeLondon, SW1A 2United Kingdom+44 20 7219 3000
Wed Sep 22 7:00pm - Wed Sep 22 10:00pm

Thu 09/23/10 (day 9)
Hampton Court Palace
Hampton Court Palace is a magnificent blend of Tudor and Baroque architecture, covering six acres alongside the Rive …
Hampton Court RoadEast Molesey, KT8 9United Kingdom+44 844 482 7777
Thu Sep 23 11:00am - Thu Sep 23 3:00pm

Fri 09/24/10 (day 10)
British Museum
The British Museum is one of London's top tourist attractions as well as a major scholarly resource. Its collection …

Great Russell StreetLondon, WC1B 3United Kingdom+44 20 7323 8299
Fri Sep 24 10:30am - Fri Sep 24 2:00pm
10a-830pFree, special exhibits vary in price.

Regent's Park & Primrose Hill
Regent's Park offers a variety of facilities and amenities for the public to enjoy, including tennis courts, a bands …

The Store YardLondon, NW1 4NRUnited Kingdom+44 20 7486 7905
Fri Sep 24 2:00pm - Fri Sep 24 3:00p

Sherlock Holmes Museum
This building was not always blessed with the famous address of the world's most celebrated detective, its number wa …

239 Baker StreetLondon, NW1 6United Kingdom+44 20 7935 4430
Fri Sep 24 3:00pm - Fri Sep 24 4:00pm

Abbey Road Studios

Sat 25-Fly Back to San Antonio

Whew! We're gonna be busy, busy, busy! I told the big guy that we weren't going to sleep the whole time we're there. I told him that it was going to be go, go, go...he just laughed. Just wait till he takes a look at this itinerary! We'll use the metro a lot but I was planning on a bulk of our travel being on foot. Thus, the new super comfy walking shoes. I've also started walking a minimum of 10 minutes a day, I really am shooting for 30+...after all I've gotta be able to keep up!

With my goal of 25lbs just a matter of ounces away I've had to come up with a new goal...

Fit into airline seat without an extender seat belt.

I remember the first time I needed the extender...I thought I would die of embarrassment. It was my first trip all on my own (I was 20) I thought I was so adult and then *BAM* there went my self esteem (technically I only needed it because I was bloated due to TOM...the belt fit fine the week before). Since then I've developed a super sly method for getting my hands on the extender but it still sucks to have to ask.

Since the airlines don't give measurements (when I called American Airlines for one of my passengers to ask at what size a person would be forced to purchase a second seat, they advised that it's up the passenger and the flight crews discretion. They could tell me how much legroom the seats had but not the width of the seats...you'd think they'd know that!) I've devised another plan.

I have a pair of jeans I wore on the last trip I took without an extender belt, they have been sitting in the back of my closet gathering dust until recently. A few months ago I could not get the darn things over my thighs. Now I can pull them all the way on the only catch is the four to six inches (I haven't measured) of space keeping me from buttoning them. I've pulled these bad boys out and they now sit in a pile on our bedroom floor. I'm going to wear these jeans on our honeymoon...I have to. My current jeans fall off without a belt and I'll be damned if I spend the money I planned to use on something fun in London for new pants!

Just the facts about being fat.

2010-08-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

I went to bed SUPER early yesterday and woke up totally refreshed...at 2am. Instead of tossing and turning in bed until 8am I got up and started watching some TV.

I landed on National Geographic Chanel because the only other thing on was a Britney Spears marathon...and lets face it 2am is a little early for Britney Spears.

Besides I was really interested in the program they were showing which is called The Science of Obesity. I've always been enthralled with the way our bodies work and this show basically breaks down the various ways that obesity impacts the body.

Some cool/interesting facts:

The average human has between 25 to 275 billion fat cells. The number of fat cells has no correlation with weight gain. The reason a person gains weight is because the fat cells expand or get “bigger” to absorb more fat.
A 190-pound male has approximately 12 pints of blood, while a 500-pound male has over 30 pints of blood pumping through his body.
The more body fat that accumulates in the body, the more fat deposits in the chest wall which pushes against both the lungs and the diaphragm. Lowering the ability of the lungs to expand and bring in oxygen. Which in turn makes it more difficult to exercise and recuperate from exercise.
The average stomach can hold approximately 3 pints of food from a meal. In those who overeat, the stomach will often stretch to hold up to 6 pints of food!
There are two types of fat: subcutaneous and visceral. Subcutaneous fat is the type found just underneath the skin (like cellulite), the body actually uses this type of fat as fuel. Sumo wrestlers have an abundance of this type of fat. Visceral fat is located in the abdomen (beer belly) and surrounding vital organs. Your body can't process this type of fat so it gets stored around your organs and in your muscles, weakening them. The difference in types of fat in your body is how a sumo wrestler can be healthier than a thin person.

They also had several animated examples of how being obese can change the ways our body functions. Here's a still imitating an obese person walking.

Here is an MRI showing the internal difference between an obese person and a "healthy" weight person

I'm really disturbed by this graphic. I've actually seen it before on another blog and it's as disgusting now as it was then.

I didn't catch anything but the tail end of it but they made a comment on how you can see the waste in the larger persons intestines. I believe they were talking about how obese people are more prone to having gastrointestinal issues.

What gets me is the fat...it's all over the place inside!

You can see that goo attached to the heart, all of the organs, heck it's even in the brain! Look at the way the joints bow under the stress of the added weight.

It's one thing to hear about what being fat does to your body, it's another to actually see it. Maybe that's why this photo disturbs me so much. Kinda like a facing of reality.

I wonder if we would have such a large percentage of obesity in our society if we were all forced to walk around with photo's of our MRI's pinned to our shirts. LOL...talk about motivation!

If you have a free moment definitely take the time to watch this documentary. It doesn't harp about being obese it just gives you the facts which is kind of refreshing. They also touch on several other topics such as bypass surgery, the link between hormones and obesity and Cushing's syndrome.

Those we love...

2010-08-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

have the power to hurt us the most.

Yes I weighed in this weekend, I will give you the results later in the post. Right now I need to vent and what better place to vent than my blog .

All I ask is that you forgive any grammatical errors or misspellings...I'm tired.

This weekend has been one of the most emotionally draining periods of my life.

I'm not going to go into depth about the whole situation because I'd like to think I'm classier than that. So if you get confused (or just don't care)...skip over the italicized parts.

I'm down a maid of honor, and a friend of 10 years.

It's a stupid situation and EVERYONE is at fault.

However instead of handling the situation (a prank played by another friend; we did not participate and found out most of the details of what happened later) as an adult my MOH blew things out of proportion and verbally attacked not only myself but others that I care about.

This has gone on for five days. We've gone around and around about the same stupid situation. The big guy and I would explain what we knew about the situation to her, she would then calm down only to hours later pump herself up for another round and try to attack us verbally again and again.

Five days of battling it out with someone you love is draining. I've done it before. I wish I hadn't been put in that situation but I was and it's left it's mark on me both physically and mentally.

Today was the last straw.

After twisting my words around and blatantly insulting me on facebook. She added insult to injury with another round of abusive texts, yet again calling me a liar and all around crappy person.

I'm done.

I said as much to the big guy as I read her texts and threw my phone across the room. After calming myself down as much as possible I tried to call her five minutes later...she was too chicken to pick up the phone.

For those of you who don't know...

I can be mean. I can be really mean.

When I...or even a loved one is attacked my first instinct is to go for the jugular anyway I can. Verbally, emotionally, physically...I protect myself and my own. I like to think that others are the same way.

Being that this is my best friend I used as much restraint as possible but I basically threw down via text. After five days, I don't think anyone would do any different. I was blunt...which equates to rude but everything I said was the god honest truth. Of course, she was sitting next to her phone and texted me back moments later not only attacking me but throwing things that we've been through throughout our friendship back in my face.

Accusing me of being a bad friend for not condoning of her relationship with a drunk who was using her, for not listening to her while she whined about him treating her like crap after the drunk ditched her (I bought the ice cream for the cry-fest...hmmm...yeah I don't care at ALL), for suggesting she get a dress a size bigger while shopping because the one she had on clung to all the unflattering parts...

I'm sorry...but I don't see how those things make me a bad friend.

Plus it's petty.

I try to act like I don't care but I feel emotionally betrayed and raw. Like someone has taken a cheese grater to my heart.

Yet at the same time this same friend has been on a downward spiral for awhile and I have to think of myself. I have to think of the big guy and how this affects him.

I can't let myself hold on to toxic relationships.

So as much as it hurts. I think I just have to let her go. I have to let her figure herself out and when she's in a healthier place mentally maybe we can try to be friends again.

Maybe.

Anyway. Other than the emotional bullsh*t the weekend was a pretty good one. Friday night the big guy and I met up with some of his coworkers at a local restaurant called LuLu's Cafe. Their motto is "never trust a skinny cook" so they will never be an Around Town Thursday feature.

They specialize in massive chicken fried steaks...

and 3lb cinnamon rolls.

They were even featured on Man Vs. Food! It's been the big guys favorite restaurant for years. We typically split a giant chicken fried steak meal. Which consists of the steak, plus 2 sides, rolls, and drinks all for under $20 dollars. We typically eat till we're stuffed and we still have enough leftovers for both of us to have lunch the next day.

We've never gotten the cinnamon roll, but because we were with friends the big guy went for it.

Considering where we were I did pretty well. I did eat a cup of fried okra (yum), I also had a sliver of chicken fried steak and half a roll. Considering the carnage that could have ensued, I'm pretty proud of myself.

You'd think I'd be up on the scale because of all the sodium in the food I ate the night before right? Not to mention TOM creeping around the corner.

Well...

Last week's weigh in: 281.6

This week's weigh in: 277.8

!!!!!

I did consistently take my pills this week. My food was still all over the place but I tracked everything I put in my mouth. I also managed to sneak in a few 5 minute walks.

Whoop whoop!! I'm so close to my 25 pound goal I can taste it! I've got something AWESOME in store to celebrate, so be sure to tune in next Sunday! This is gonna be something you don't want to miss!!!

I tried a tiny bit of the cinnamon roll for breakfast after the weigh in and it was just too sweet. We actually ended up having to throw it away because we couldn't eat it faster than the army of ants who invaded our kitchen when they caught whiff of the monstrosity.

Saturday I wrangled my bridesmaids (yes even the MOH) and we went to JCPenny's to look at dresses. We found one that was perfect! It was the right color, it played up their curves, it was adorable, and the best part...40% off. We also found coupons for 15% on top of the sale price so their dresses came out to a whopping $38 with tax each.

I know AWESOME!

I tried on some new walking shoes and just couldn't really find any that fit properly. The big guy and I met up after he and the boys got done with their suit fitting. We went to Burlington coat factory to look for more matching ties for the men in our ceremony ($30 something ties at Dillards...$9.99 at Burlington...score!).

I poked around there and found a pair of Reebok Easy Tones (typically retail for about $100, I got em for 69.99).

I never really jumped on the whole bandwagon with toning shoes like sketchers, because they are just plain ugly.

The Reebok's in my opinion are the pretty sister of the toning family. I've read multiple reviews and a majority of them say they don't really tone but the are the most comfortable shoes you will ever own. I put these little buggers on in the store and OMG...they are comfy!

It's almost like walking on a mattress! It's the mushy-ness which forces you to correct yourself and maintain your balance (I've nearly biffed it twice already). I wore them to the grocery store that night and my ankles (I have really weak ankles) started to hurt from the stress of trying to keep myself upright. I woke up this morning and my joints were creaking and popping.

After my throw-down with the MOH and a subsequent over the phone cry-fest with my mom. We went to a strip mall so the big guy could get a hair cut. I walked around window shopping and my feet/ankles never hurt once. I think I might take measurements so we can see if they really tone anything up...it might be cool to see if there is a difference.

Well I gotta get to sleep peeps. I hope you had a pretty good weekend! Hopefully I'll be able to catch up on some of your blogs tomorrow at work.

Because I have the smartest readers ever maybe someone can enlighten me...

What the heck is "modified cornstarch"? What's modified about it?

I've seen this ingredient in MANY processed food products...if you know drop me a line in the comment box!

Whoops!

2010-07-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

What I ate yesterday.

Breakfast: two blueberry buckwheat waffles

Lunch: 1 sausage link, 1/2 c potato salad, 1/4 c pinto beans, 1 dinner roll (catered by Bill Millers BBQ)

Dinner: Left over roast w/potato's carrots & gravy

Snack/Dessert: LARGE Pecan Pie Blizzard from Dairy Queen.

Hmmm...yeah...I screwed up.

Now there is nothing wrong with a treat once in awhile. So when the big guy proposed a stop by Dairy Queen for an ice cream I was down. After all we hardly eat ice cream and if we do it's typically store bought. Besides I really wanted to try their new pecan pie blizzard. Still full from dinner you'd think I'd order a small right?

We go to order and the word LARGE comes out of my mouth.

LARGE?!?

Sad thing is I had the darn thing half eaten before we even made it home. Dairy Queen is less than five miles from our house, it was like I was on auto-pilot.

I honestly don't even know if it tasted good.

When I sat on the couch to finish her off and watch the Colony (which is an awesome show on Discovery) it all caught up with me. I was hit by a wave of nausea that stuck with me all night. Looking up the nutrition stats this morning it's not hard to see why.

1320 Calories

67g of Fat

90 mg of Cholesterol

1050 mg Sodium

160 g Carbs

I get sick just looking at it. 1320 Calories? For a snack? For a treat? Hell when I started taking phentermine I averaged below 1400 calories for a DAY...Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, two snacks...

Ugh!

I still feel like someone punched me in the stomach.

I've started logging again on my Lose it! app starting this morning.

I need to stop making excuses and face the facts.

Yes, I've lost 20 pounds but I could still stand to lose at minimum another 100. I'm definitely not going to get there by eating 1320 calories worth of ice cream as a TREAT.

Draggin butt...

2010-07-27T14:49:00.001-07:00

I'm so tired...no I take that back I'm freakin exhausted.

I had yet another night a little sleep. I lay down but just can't seem to relax.

Apparently this is a common side effect of phentermine.

Yesterday's eating was atrocious.

Breakfast was two bean and cheese taco's w/a diet coke

Lunch was a catered turkey and cheese croissant w/grey poupon mustard. A sandwich bag of crinkle cut seasoned potato chips, Dr. B made w/real sugar (off brand Dr. Pepper) and an oatmeal cookie.

Snack was a 90 cal pack of mint chocolate Mini Delights by Quaker

Dinner was supposed to be pot roast w/potatoes & carrots but didn't happen. I just wasn't hungry. I tried to lay down but couldn't sleep.

Around midnight gave up on sleep and ended up drinking a Coke Zero and two servings of blueberry rice cake thingy's.

I'm off to hide under my desk until it's time to leave.

Maybe if I'm super stealthy they won't realize that I'm under there.

I know...I know...

2010-07-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

Weigh in last week: 282

Weigh in this week: 281.6

Yikes. Told you I was up against the wall. Actually I was surprised to have that much of a loss.

I was diligent all week in making sure I took my medicine. My main problem has been the lack of a routine. I haven't been sleeping well and have been getting only about 5hrs of sleep max even on the weekends.

I walk but not consistently either because:

a) I'm super tired and cranky and just don't wanna

b) the weather sucks

Eating is still all over the place. I sat down and made a menu and shopping list two weeks ago trying to keep our food budget down. So far we've been blowing it.

We aren't eating BAD we just aren't eating WELL.

We're not tracking either.

It's like I've fallen off the diet train and just can't find a way to get back on.

I need to figure out a way to buckle down soon though the wedding is officially 1 month 3 weeks and 2 days away.

Crap.

Speaking of the wedding. My wedding ring came in on Friday! It's adorable! It's thin enough to not overwhelm my engagement ring and the stones (total 1/4 carat) add just enough sparkle without being ostentatious.

One of my bridesmaids dropped out on Saturday because her employer (Wal-Mart) won't allow her off. Her supervisor advised her that she could go if she didn't want a job.

Have I mentioned lately that I REALLY REALLY hate Wal-Mart??

(how much is a whole separate very heated blog post).

Luckily, one of the girls that I had originally wanted in our wedding but didn't have space for is available. She's going to step in which makes her awesome!

Bridesmaid's and Groomsmen gifts are done. I've also managed to wrangle gifts for the parental units. I love Etsy!

The big guy is looking into getting a custom made suit for the ceremony and I have the name of a seamstress so I can get my dress taken in as soon as I get paid.

*whew*

I'm really wondering why we can't just rent a limo and get married at the drive-thru chapel by a faux Elvis it would be so much easier!

Hello wall...

2010-07-22T07:03:00.000-07:00

For awhile there I thought I'd never hit a plateau. I had hoped the phentermine would let me bypass that whole frustrating experience.

Yeah I thought wrong.

So I've body slammed into a wall. I don't know if it's mental, my body is finally giving the phetermine it's middle finger or a combination of both but so far I've stayed close to the same weight scale wise.

Yes, I have been jumping on the scale every chance I get.

Just call me a scale addict. We haven't been eating BAD, but we aren't doing as good as we once were.

The big guy and I have let our portion sizes slide towards the bigger side, we've not corrected the waiter if he brought regular coke instead of diet, we've also given in to the little hunger monster's craving for Dairy Queen. These things don't happen everyday, maybe once a week since we got back from the coast after 4th of July.

Apparently that's enough to make an impact on the scale. I guess I really have no one but myself to blame. I've been taking the ease of my weightloss for granted. All I've had to do is take a pill that makes me eat less and I lose 20 pounds with little exercise. *gasp*

Do you mean I might actually have to start working for it again?

*sigh*

All right. I guess I'll do what I have to do.

The doctor increased my dosage which I've started taking consistently this week. I've already started weaning myself off of diet sodas and I've restarted walking at work.

Pill or no pill I got this.

We technically have only have 5 more pounds until we've met my wedding goal of 25!

What were you doing a 100 posts ago?

2010-07-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

<---Oct '09 / May '10--->

I don't know about you but a hundred posts ago I was a completely different person.

A hundred posts ago...I wondered why I was gaining weight, as I shoveled nachos into my mouth.

A hundred posts ago...I had problems walking up TWO stairs to my work.

A hundred posts ago... I couldn't go a day without having a soda.

A hundred posts ago...I would get winded walking around the grocery store.

A hundred post ago...it was too much trouble to bend over.

A hundred posts ago...I hated taking pictures because THEY would make me look fat.

A hundred posts ago...I would have been to embarrassed to acknowledge and seek treatment for my depression.

A hundred posts ago...the wedding dress that I purposely bought "too big" was a little snug.

A hundred posts ago...I was afraid to sit in a plastic lawn chair because I might break it.

A hundred posts ago...

I hated myself and who I had become.

I'm currently nowhere near the weight I should be.

But I am better than I was and for now that's good enough.

July 21, 2010

(20 lbs down)

What were you doing a hundred posts ago?

How has your life changed since you've discovered the blogging world, either by writing or even just stalking?

Momma's Recipes with a little Success

2010-07-20T10:52:00.000-07:00

Everyone has those recipes. Those simplistic dishes that it seems only your mother can make correctly. You know the recipes that aren't written down and when you ask your mother for the recipe the answer is..."there isn't one". When you ask how much of an ingredient you are supposed to use the answer is "you add ___ until it smells right".

???

In our family, there are several of my momma's recipes I've yet to master.

There is only ONE family recipe though that has become my personal Nemesis.

It's a dish known in my family as Russo.

I don't know why I can't get it right. It's simple: brown some beef (some form of steak), throw it in a pot of water, add onions & ketchup boil until it "smells right" then serve over rice.
Trust me it's tastier than it sounds. The recipe seems simple enough right?

I don't know why I just can't seem to get it to turn out right! Could I be holding my mouth the wrong way as I brown the meat? Maybe I don't cry enough on the onions.

I just don't get it.

Anyway, I tried making this meal again using a crock pot instead of standing over the stove top stirring for hours.

8 hours later this is what I came home to...

Yum.
To bad it's missing SOMETHING. It just doesn't seem savory or salty enough. Erg!
Russo strikes again!
I'm going to figure it out ya'll even if it's the last thing I do!

I did try a new product. New to me anyway! The cool people at Success sent me a voucher for their Boil in Bag rice.

Not gonna lie I thought the whole bag thing was stupid. How hard is it to pour rice into a pot and boil? A little hesitant I gave it a try. I was so wrong! I threw the bag into a large measuring cup of water in the microwave. Done-zo! I didn't have to clean pans afterwards! Which is a giant score (ya'll know how I hate dishes)!

Quick...
Name a recipe that you just can't get to turn out!

See ya later gators!

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

2010-07-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

Today is definitely a little bittersweet.

It's Friday which rocks, it's payday which makes it even better, it's also potluck day at work which is straight up yum.

The catch?

Our supervisor is leaving us. : (

I've been extremely lucky to be able to call my supervisor a friend. Which isn't always the case now a days.

Marquelle has been a shoulder to cry on, a cheerleader, a partner in crime (even if it was just plotting), a sounding board, a diet buddy, and an honest opinion whenever I've needed one.

She will be sorely missed by all of us on Team Justice!

Now I'm off to comfort myself with cupcakes arranged to look like her face...

Ihop and diamonds.

2010-07-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Take a gander at what we just ordered...

Ain't it purdy?

It should come in sometime next week! We have to wait on the big guy's ring because 1. we're broke & 2. we have to have his band custom made because he's a giant (it's going to cost an arm and a leg). We got a pretty good deal by ordering through overstock.com. I had originally just wanted a plain white gold band but this ring was just about fifty or so dollars more. What the heck right?

While I'm talking wedding I wanted to share some awesomeness with you! I know I've mentioned my wedding dress here before. Well, I was pulling it out of the closet last night when it occurred to me that I've never posted a picture of what my dress looks like. If you want to see it Click here.

As I mentioned in this post that I purposely bought my dress big because I was afraid of getting fatter before the big day and being stuck without a dress.

Sad that someone would think that way right?

I don't EVER want to think that way again.

Anyway I pulled the dress out to take a look because I haven't really busted it out in months.

It's too big.

Like WAY too big. Last time I tried it on it was snugger around the tummy area than I would have liked (not tight but considering I bought it bigger it scared me that it kind of sort of fit).

Now...I have to hold the darn thing up to even keep it on.

SCORE!

Now I just have to find someone to take it in.

Oh wait! I have something else to show you! I've gotta show you my favorite part of my whole wedding day ensemble! Prepare yourself for the awesomeness!!

Is it bad that I'm more in love with my wedding shoes than my dress? Aren't they pretty? They're blue! They're suede! They're FREAKIN AWESOME!

I also think they give my mother a headache whenever I mention them. ; )

Yesterday diet wise went...well...it went.
I slipped and had fast food for breakfast, a sausage and egg taquito with hash browns to be exact. Then Pizza Hut catered lunch at my work which resulted in me scarfing down two pieces of cheese pizza at my desk. We also had a baby shower for a coworker, I was able to resist the cake. It was those darn Jordan almonds that screwed everything up! The big guy and I also had a romantic dinner at Ihop. Where I did a little better in my choices (though not by much). I munched on two pancakes, scrambled egg substitute (?), and turkey bacon.
I didn't make it all the way through my pancakes, it was just too much food. So yummy though!

I did get in a lot of walking in yesterday! Not only did I walk on my breaks at work, after work the big guy and I hit up Burlington Coat Factory to look for a suitcase. We found a pretty nice one for about 80 bucks, plus socks for the big guy, a money belt for our trip(s), and one tie for the members of our wedding party (lol). We also wandered around Wal-mart for about twenty minutes picking up odds and ends.
When we finally got home a little after ten my feet were aching! I really need to invest in some new walking shoes!

One final question before I leave you for the day. Okay maybe two.

What brand of shoes do you get your fitness on with? What do you look for in a good walking/running shoe?

Just Walk.

2010-07-13T14:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm tried of trying to catch up.

So I'm going to save us both some trouble and start from today.

I slept all of three hours last night.

Ugh! I just couldn't seem to settle down. I sat up all night worrying about what I'm going to wear to my bachelorette party. How I'm going to wear my hair and make up on the big day? Who is going to do my hair and make up (I'm a disaster when it comes to eyeliner)? I sat and worried about things that other people haven't done but should (I'm lookin at you bridesmaids...those jokes about going nude because you can't find a dress. Not funny).

Heck I even worried about things I know for a fact won't ever get done and that I should probably just forget about.

Whew...

I can see how people turn into bridezilla's throughout this whole process. I thought the stress would be better if we ran off to Vegas, boy was I wrong!

Our wedding has spiralled into the go to event of our crew. I didn't realize so many people like us (or were looking for ANY excuse to go to vegas)!

We've got everyone and their mom RSVPing.

Yes...literally.

It's enough to make any girl grow horns...and fangs.

Now I'm at a slight disadvantage because I've got to schedule time with people. I've got people bothering me for itineraries and for some odd reason "just go with the flow" isn't sinking in with some people.

Okay. Deep breath. Ommmmm...

Back to the reason most of you are reading this blog.

Diet and exercise.

Oh what can be said about diet and exercise?

It's not going as well as it should.

I'm still eating fast food twice a week minimum. I'm not gonna lie. In my defense though we have gotten better about fending for ourselves more frequently. We're doing anything we can to save money for Vegas & London.

I've become quite the crock pot whiz! I might try to post a few recipes for ya next week. I'm also trying to add more produce to our diets though it's not going so great. Everything typically goes bad if I don't eat it. It's like pulling teeth to get the big guy to eat his veggies. I've resorted buying frozen veggies to save some money, only buying enough fresh stuff for my lunches.

We've also begun to try to buy organic when it comes to processed foods like crackers (holla CHEDDAR BUNNIES!!) cookies, & granola bars. If it's not organic we make sure we buy the product with the simplest ingredient listing.

We're both still tracking our calories...when we remember. ; )

I did go to the doctor last Friday, another update that never was. My blood pressure is back down, not to normal, but lower than it was. My doctor was REALLY happy and it was kind of cute how worked up he got about it. According to their scales I'm down just over 15lbs from last visit. Which translates into a gain for last week. Which I was expecting after my beer fueled fourth of July combined with TOM whose been making the monthly rounds.

The doctor has ordered me to continue dieting like I have been (which hasn't been very hard) and to continue with the phentermine. In fact he increased my dosage to a pill and a half a day. Yikes! Once that was out of the way we moved onto to the topic of exercise. I asked him about doing bridal bootcamp and the 30 day shred. I told him how I've noticed that I get short of breath quicker than normal when trying to do these programs.

He looked at me like I'd shot his puppy.

He stressed to walk...just walk.

Ooookay.

I've been taking 10-20 minute walks on my breaks at work. I'm also going to try doing some toning exercises for my arms.I've got this horrible underarm jiggle going on.

I'm sorry if most of this entry doesn't make much sense. Again. Three hours of sleep...argh.

More tomorrow I promise!

Just like a beer commercial only better!

2010-07-06T14:57:00.001-07:00

This is the only way I can describe my fourth of July weekend.

I know this is super late! I'm really overwhelmed. Hopefully I'll be able to catch up soon (knock on wood)!

We left for the coast on Friday night after I got out of work, the drive down was overcast but there was no rain. The big guy and I jammed out to classic rock the whole way. Pretty chill. We ended up getting into Port Aransas just after eleven. We unpacked and then headed out to a bar called Cody's for beer and seafood.

The big guy declared it a "free weekend" so basically neither of us tracked. I still tried to keep portions small. I had a corona w/lime and a shrimp sandwich no fries. YUM. It was delicious.

We had fun, the big guy and his brother are complete smart alecks and there was a cowboy who seemed to be taking shots with reckless abandon and "crooning" with his acoustic guitar.

That provided loads of fodder for the brothers...it was like our own private comedy central special.

After dinner we went back to the house and ended up hitting the hay early.

The house we stayed in belongs to the big guy's brother's girlfriend's parents (confused yet?). We've had a chance to hang out with her parents and they are some pretty cool people. They bought the house as a fixer upper.

Man did they fix it up.

It has to be one of the nicest homes that I've ever been in. Here is a picture of the guest room we stayed in...they even had a sleep number bed. I've never slept on one before and it was kind of fun (though totally not worth the money).

Yes I'm a dork.

Give me buttons, especially glow in the dark buttons, and I'll be entertained for hours.

Our room had a door that led out to a balcony (which is where the light is coming from in the picture). We woke up surprisingly early the next day (8am) opened the door and this is the view we were greeted by...

Hurricane Alex my rear end.

We went out for breakfast at a busy little restraunt called San Juan. I had Chicharron Con Huevo, which was basically scrambled eggs w/pork rinds, tomatoes, onions, and cilantro. It was served with frijoles y papas (beans & potato's). It was delicious! We spent all afternoon at the beach, I learned how to body surf, the seaweed was pretty bad but that was to be expected because of the storm. We had blue skies all day. We drank beer and buried each other's feet in the sand. It was awesome! We didnt' get any pictures because both the big guy and I forgot our camera's and iPhones don't like water. So just imagine a good time.

;)

The next day, the 4th of July, we made breakfast tacos and then headed back out to the beach. We swam somemore. The seaweed was even worse! No matter how far into the water we went it wrapped around our legs and got into our suits.

I impressed myself and swam without a coverup (the last thing I need is a farmers tan in my wedding dress). Though I was kicking myself when I got hit by a gianormous wave and my top fell down.

Hello world! Luckily no one saw...I think.

We sunbathed, drank more beer then went back to the house to grill filets, corn on the cob, and potato's. The big guy set up his grill in the "backyard"... which was more like an oasis.

It was extremely peaceful. The big guy did remember to snap a picture of me posing beside the koi pond, you can already see the sunburn begining to form.

I snapped a picture of the master chef at work. Check out the big guy's sun burn!

I explored while the big guy cooked and discovered this little dude. I love his coloring!

I dubbed him crabby jack, what can I say I'm cool that way.

After a hearty lunch we took a nap and then headed back to the beach. The town was putting on a fireworks show but we didn't want to deal with the crowds. Plus the big guy and his brother wanted to swim some more. So we decided to hang out at the beach in lieu of fireworks. I swam with them for awhile then got tired. Good thing I took a book (Sookie Stackhouse novel anyone?) and a big mug of Pina Colada's. I had just settled in to my beach chair when I saw a dolphin pop out of the water near where we had been swimming.

Can you say freakin AWESOME!?!

I read until the sun went down and the boys got out of the water. We had a few beers, the big guy's brother and his girlfriend had to run their dog (a St. Bernard) back to the house. The big guy and I sat on the beach drinking, watching the water, and other people shooting off fireworks of their own. I heard a sound behind me and lo and behold, we had a perfect view of the cities firework display. It was amazing. We had fireworks shooting off on all sides (people we're still shooting their own), people had fires going in their grills, the big guy and I were holding hands and drinking beer. All of this with the roar of the ocean crashing behind us, it was just like a cheesy beer commercial...only better.

The big guy's brother and gf had gotten back midway through the show. We watched for quite some time. Thinking the firework show had ended we piled up in a car and headed to the store for some aloe for our sunburns. On the way we realized that the fireworks display wasn't over. In fact it seemed to go on and on...we drove extremely slow watching the action (yeah sooo safe I know). We passed by beach houses with people hanging off their balconies, families in lawnchairs on the sidewalk, one group of drunk men sang God Bless America so loud we could hear them for about half a mile (though I will give them props they were pretty good). For the length of the display the finale was kind of weak.

The next morning we went out for breakfast again. We had the same thing. The real highlight of the morning (for the guy's at least) was the apperance of the "King". Okay maybe not the real deal but this guy looked so close the boys went all secret agent style with their picture taking. They SUCK at taking pictures. This was the best one of the group.

Nothing like a good ole Bubba sighting!

(for my fellow Sookie fans!)

The drive home was uneventful, other than a quick stop at Walmart for a strapless bra and spaghetti strap shirt (I wanted a tube top...no such luck), because my shoulders were so sunburned it was super uncomfortable to have anything touching them.

By far one of the best 4th of July's on record! I hope ya'll had just as much fun as we did!

Cake on the beach...or something like that.

2010-06-30T13:05:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry I haven't 'officially' updated in so long! One thing led to another and all my good blogging intentions flew out the window.

I mean who knew you might actually want to have a wedding cake at a wedding?

Whoops...

Maybe I'll just have to run to the store and get a few boxes of hostess to make a masterpiece like this...

LOL. Just playing, I found Retro Bakery and their prices are pretty reasonable. They are even going to be able make us a cake shaped like a dice (die? oh well) which the big guy is super excited about and they are going to be able fit my "Married in Fabulous Las Vegas" sign on it! It'll look like this. We're also going to get cupcakes for each of our guests (the cake is mine biatch), which is cool because this place has some pretty kooky flavors (cotton candy, apple cider, pink lemonade, pb& j, to name a few).

With all the cake/favor drama, guest list issues, completing and mailing wedding invitations, discussing budgeting for wedding and honeymoon expenses, flight changes, issues with our hotel reservations, shopping for rings, getting the big guys suit sized, worrying about alterations (or lack of) for my dress my head has been all over the place.

My eating hasn't been spectacular but it hasn't been too bad. I did not weigh-in last weekend mainly because I took myself off the medication for two days so I could um...well lets just say I wasn't feeling well. I've been back on the medicine all week so far and I'm doing pretty good.

The big guy and I have cooked all week, though I will admit I have been going out for breakfasts every morning and have been completely forgetting lunch. I still have not touched a 'real' soda which is big for me, though I've been relying heavily on the good ol' diet coke.

This weekend is going to be interesting. We had originally had plans to go to the coast with the big guy's brother and his girlfriend. Hurricane Alex, had us worried though. We've had pretty consistent rain here in San Antonio (145 mi away) but things have seemed to settle down a bit. There's still a 30% chance of rain on the 4th but we're going to take a chance and head down there. At least the beaches won't be busy right?

Because we'll be going out of town I jumped on the scale this morning just so I can give you an update. I'm down to 182.6. Which is okay with me. Every little bit helps!

Well I best go back and try to work! I hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th of July!

Team Edward or Team Jacob?

2010-06-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

Oh yes I am one of those people!

Before I get into the cult that is Twilight I wanted to apologize for being a slacker with my updates! I've let stress get the better of me (eating is still fine though!).

I'll try to update more often this month.

Okay now to the fun stuff! My best friend Angelica and I are avid readers, she turned me on to the Twilight series in late 2007. I was instantly hooked, I plowed through the first three books in three days. I actually called into work one day because I was so immersed in the world of Edward, Bella & Jacob I couldn't think of anything else.
These books are like crack! All it takes is one time and you're hooked. It's not surprising that Twilight-mania is referred to as an addiction and has reportedly caused relationship problems.

Angelica and I are nowhere near that kind of obsession though. We do however enjoy the books and have gone to opening night for each of the series movies (Twilight, New Moon & Eclipse).
I'm typically not one for crowds but twi-hards (hardcore fans of the twilight series) are a special brand of fan which makes the experience fun. Twi-hards are absolutely devoted to the series, they live, breathe, and eat it. The energy on opening night for the first showing is always intense. The overwhelming excitement and anticipation in infectious! You haven't heard a crowd ROAR until you've heard hundreds of twi-hards screaming as they countdown to midnight and the release of THEIR movie.
Maybe I'm biased because Eclipse is my favorite book out of the series but this movie was the best so far. You can tell that the actors have a better feel for their characters, the dialog isn't as stilted, and overall the movie just 'flows' well (there's never a point where you scratch your head and go "huh?").

Oddly enough my favorite character in the movie is Bella's dad Charlie Swan (Billy Burke).

Go team...Charlie?

For those of you who haven't read the book and don't plan on seeing the movie here's a brief synopsis of the story:

(I'll try to not get too detailed...but I can't guarantee the absence of spoilers)

Who would you choose Edward or Jacob?

Eclipse picks up where New Moon left off.

Bella is still torn about her feelings for the werewolf and her childhood friend Jacob and for her borderline irrational love for Edward Cullen, a vampire.
Stuck between the two flaming egos who are vying for her attention and torturing each other. Bella declares herself Switzerland to keep from having to choose between them.
She also has to make a choice by graduation to either continue life as a mortal or to become a vampire.
Meanwhile, a string of unsolved murders hits nearby Seattle, at first the Cullen family assumes its a newly turned vampire who can't control it's lust for blood. Though they soon discover it's not just one newborn vampire but an entire army created by Victoria. A nomadic vampire who is hell bent on avenging her dead mate James (a 'tracker' who was killed in Twilight by the Cullen family when he 'hunted' Bella) by killing Edwards mate, still human Bella.
Amidst all of this drama Bella manages to graduate high school and Edward proposes. The later of which Bella wants to keep quiet. Alice throws a graduation party for Bella which the werewolves "crash" and find out about the fight to come. An uneasy alliance is formed between the Quileute tribe (werewolves) and the Cullen family to protect the humans of Forks (Bella).
In preparation for the showdown with the invading army of newborns, Bella is moved into a remote location in the mountains with Edward to protect her and Jacob to disguise her scent.
In short, after a rough night Jacob leaves to join the fight and possibly die in the battle that's about to begin (which he uses to guilt trip Bella). Bella kisses him and realizes that she loves him. During the battle Victoria finds Edward and Bella's hiding spot and Edward is forced into a fight.
In the end though both Victoria and her army are destroyed. None of Bella's friends or family members are killed though Jacob is injured in the fight. Later on she visits Jacob and admits to his face that she loves him, but she loves Edward more.
The next obstacle is telling Charlie (Bella's father) about their engagement. (Dun! Dun! DUN!)

Maybe it's nit-picky but there were a few parts of the movie last night that annoyed the crap out of me.
The first was the scene when Jasper (Jackson Rathbone), Edward Cullens (Robert Pattinson) adopted brother, is explaining to Bella Swan (Kirsten Stewart) how he knows so much about newborns (newly turned vampires). As Jasper is recounting his own 'vampire birth' he all the sudden has an accent. Not just any accent but an amalgamation of reaaaally bad southern accents. It made his retelling of his history incredibly "lame" as my Aunt Amy put it.
I can totally understand someone who grew up with a Texan accent having it when they become distressed or when they are remembering something.
But in this case the combination of his speaking out of the side of his mouth, having an accent one minute the next it being gone (in the SAME scene how do your drop an accent in the middle of a scene?) and the overall badness of the accent itself was just unforgivable. Shame...Shame! I really wanted to forgive Jasper but there's just no way around it.

The second annoyance is one I actually got in trouble for reacting too.

Bella is having her 'moment' with Jacob. She basically admits that she loves him before he runs off to join the battle (right before they kiss). While she's spouting her feelings Kirsten Stewart gets a wonky eye. By wonky I mean she looks like she's going cross eyed (if you've seen the first movie her eyes do the same thing after she had been bitten by James and is writhing in pain from the venom)...kinda killed the moment.
I could not stop laughing. I didn't even hear the dialog (good thing I'd read the book), my friend smacked me but she laughed too. Because really there's nothing more distracting than a wonky eye during a love scene.

Overall the movie was pretty good. I would definitely pony up to go watch it again in theatre's.

I'll try to give ya'll a real update later!

Bridal Bootcamp: Workout One

2010-06-22T07:01:00.001-07:00

Maybe I should have titled this entry "OWWWW OWWW OWWW" because that's exactly what I've been saying all morning! Yesterday I was totally stoked to get started with Bridal Bootcamp. I pulled up the website and followed the directions to a T.

The first exercise is the 'bent over row & kickback'. Which means you basically hold a lunge while doing a rowing motion. When you pull up you extend your arm behind you and then repeat. You do this 15 times on each side for two reps. The second exercise is the 'dumbell chop' it reminded me of a standing crunch meets squat. On this exercise you had to do two reps of 15 on each side.

Which equals 'oww'.

Unfortunetly I didn't read the instructions carefully the night before and didn't notice that I'd have to do two reps of each exercise so I ended up being short on time.

I was going to finish the remaining 10 exercises when I got home from work.

The puppy had other plans for me though.

She's on medicine for an infection that makes her pee EVERYWHERE.

I got home to find her kennel and bedding completely soaked. To make matters worse, she peed all over our bed as well. So yesterday was spent cleaning up pee, washing sheets, and scrubbing the house down with Resolve. I guess that counts as a workout right? I don't know how moms do it! I can barely keep up with my dog. I also got to put up 4th of July decorations at work, which involved walking back and forth so much that I got a pretty nasty blister on the back of my foot. Not to mention the sweat was pouring off of me.

So I will start earlier on Thursday and hopefully I will be able to finish the rest of the workouts for this week.

Janet's not the only one...my wardrobe malfunction.

2010-06-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

Wait for it...wait for it...

I worked out this morning!

(cue applause)

Okay so what if it was only ten minutes of the shred! I moved when I didn't have to... that's all that counts right? Things were going great this morning I had blueberry buckwheat waffles and some OJ then slithered into my exercise gear.

I was even super excited because my workout top is fitting better! I figured I'd skip the double-uping of the bra and just trust in my workout top to keep the girls safe.

DUMB.

I really should know better.

My girls aren't big, but they aren't tater tots either. There's no way a flimsy little shelf bra is going to support anything of mine. The problems started on the second set of jumping jacks. I was trucking along working up a sweat and then...well my shirt started slipping down...and then HELLO!

Thank god I was alone in my bedroom! It could have been BAD if something like that had happened at say a gym. I pulled my top back up started with the push ups and then we moved into squats. I don't know if it was the fact that I was moving faster than normal but I then started hacking up a lung like something fierce. It seems like the rest of my head cold cleared itself up, except for this darn dry cough. It got so bad I had to take some medicine to calm it down.

Blarg...so no Jillian for me today. I'm planning on making up the missing 20 minutes of exercise by walking around my building at work so far I've got five minutes done.

Tomorrow is the first Bridal Bootcamp workout I'm kinda looking forward to it! I'll post more tomorrw.

Weekly Weigh in...Snorkle time!

2010-06-20T07:50:00.001-07:00

Last weeks weigh in: 290.6

This weeks weigh in: 285.2

Total Lost this week = 5.4 pounds!!

I'm sorta surprised and then sort of not. I knew I was due for a little weight loss because of all the *ahem* water retention I had last week, but my diet was all over the place. Literally, like Taco Cabana, McDonald's, Sonic, Quiznos. In my defense I never got too far out of line. I always kept portions small and steered away from fried foods. Fast food is so processed though so I just figured it would do it's damage anyway.
I start working out for real Monday. I'm going to start Fitness Magazines Bridal Bootcamp. It seems pretty simple you do their toning exercises two times a week and then cardio three times a week. They have a cardio portion to their plan but I think I'm going to use the 30 day shred instead. Because honestly Jillian kicked my keester last time I attempted the Shred and it ain't going to happen again.

Anyway on to the Snorkle time!

I told ya'll a few posts ago that I had been invited to a pool party. I don't typically go to pool parties and if I do I sit on the sidelines with a beer and watch everyone else have fun because I'm to insecure to get out of my seat. I haven't swam with someone who isn't a family member in YEARS. This year I vowed I was going to swim and I wasn't going to care what people thought of me. So I pulled on my old swimming suit (the prices for the ones I had wanted skyrocketed to over 100 bucks...sorry people I don't want a new suit that bad) and away we went.
This party was for my soon to be brother in laws girlfriend's 30th birthday at their house.
It took awhile for the party to get started, but when it did it was a pretty fun time. I had worn a pair of workout shorts and an old t-shirt (that I haven't been able to fit into since college) as a coverup with every intention of taking it off when it came time to get in the pool. It didn't happen. I just couldn't bring myself to flash the thunder thighs at everyone so I swam fully covered instead I had a lot of fun though. The day ended up being okay as well food wise.

I grazed on a few wheat thins, skipped the cake, but did indulge in two beers, a wine cooler, and a plastic cup of sangria. I ended up giving myself a free day from tracking because we were swimming for at least two hours and cell phones don't like water.
; )
I was proud of myself though, I think I've learned a bit of self control.
How about you? Do you indulge at parties? How do you know enough is enough?

It's official people! We're THREE months and counting!

2010-06-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'm currently surrounded by stacks of wedding invitations while listening to prospective first dance songs. *sigh* I'm going to spare you my mini meltdown and give you the pictures I promised a few days ago...

Our engagement pictures were taken by the very talented Marquelle Limon. This was her very first engagement shoot ever! I'm super happy with how they turned out!

Oh! I almost forgot!

Let me give you a little background on our location. The big guy and I met my freshman year (2005...yes I'm a baby!) at the University of the Incarnate Word. We knew we had something special on our first date (Movie and IHOP...my choice not his!) and as our relationship progressed there was hardly a day he didn't sneak on campus to visit me (we have some pretty funny stories...some even involve "fluffy" the night security guard). We spent hours walking around campus at night, sitting by the San Antonio river and discussing the future while sitting at the grotto. I haven't been back on campus in years! Taking our pictures there brought me back to those old days back when everything was so new.

I still feel the same way I did back then...

Anyway enough of this mushy stuff.

Here are the pictures.

This is the big guys favorite bridge pic...

My favorite bridge pic

I absolutely love this man!

(like my frizzy hair?)

The first of the color pictures.

(No I'm not preggo its the darn dress!)

The ring.

(I don't know what the hell we were doing with our hands?)

This is one of my favorites from the whole shoot!

We'll be married two days after our five year anniversary.

I can't wait!

Some days you're the fish other days you're the bait.

2010-06-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

It's been one of those days. You know where everything that can go wrong will and to the worst degree.
Ugh.
I guess I can't really complain though I have a job, I have a working car *knock on wood*, I have money in my bank account, food in the fridge, and for the most part my family is healthy (I'm still having problems with my ears though).

Yesterday eating was okay. The big guy took me out for a romantic breakfast at McD's... which is definitely not known for their health food. I can't stand their sugar free vanilla syrup in my coffee, so I ordered a Mocha w/nonfat milk instead and a sausage McMuffin (I was starved and needed some protein). I did ok for lunch a turkey & cheese (fat free) sandwich on Nature's Own sandwich rounds (I LOVE this product). Snack was a Kashi bar. Dinner was a grilled chicken sandwich from Whataburger. I ended up going over 50 calories. It was the darn Mocha which had almost as many calories as the McMuffin (yikes).

I've yet to start working out though I say I'm going to EVERY day. I suck. Exercise is just something I'm not very good at making time for. I know I need to. I know that if I started working out I'd lose weight even faster...but there's always something else to be doing.
I know excuses, excuses.

Hmmm...maybe I can rope the big guy into starting an exercise regimen.

How do you get motivated to work out?

I can breathe!

2010-06-16T09:04:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and I could breathe through my nose again!!!!

*happy dance*

My ears are still kind of plugged but they've been popping a lot which typically happens when the congestion is breaking up. My chest still feels cruddy but not as bad as it was. The coughing fits are definitely less frequent. Whoop! Whoop!

I didn't workout this morning, because I didn't want to stir something up in my chest and cause another coughing fit. I might sneak in a short walk on one of my breaks.

Yesterday was alright. I was feeling like crud all day at work and ended up chugging Robitussin cough & cold like it was water. We ended up getting taco's for dinner and both the big guy and I were in bed before midnight. Tracking went well yesterday I didn't have a chance to get my food log loaded but I came under by 50 calories for the day.

We officially have 94 days until the wedding. I can't believe how fast time is flying! I'm almost done with our invitations. They are turning out pretty good even if they do look like a five year old cut them (straight lines are sooo overrated). Here's an example...

There are five "tickets" to each invite. There's one for the ceremony, the reception in Vegas, a potluck in SA for our friends and family who can't travel to Vegas, one for our wedding website/info and our RSVP's which feature "detachable" ticket stubs. I've even managed to make a little ticket holder/envelope thingy with a collage of Las Vegas Wedding Chapel signs/Vegas themed images (a big picture of the "King" of course!). This whole experience has definitely taught me how to multi-task more efficiently. I should be done with them all by the end of this month!

Engagement pictures should be ready by the end of this week. I'm not going to recap the experience (we took em Sunday) until they are ready to post. There were a few good ones and a few that made me wince. I'll share the good and the bad with ya when they become available.

I did have a mini triumph this morning!

I was looking for something to wear to work when I grabbed a black tshirt that my father had given me on my last visit Elko. Almost everyone in my family has this same exact shirt (its from a conference that he participates in every year) so it's kind of a joke. Especially since we've all taken similar pictures while wearing the same shirt. Anyway last time I wore it, it was definitely a little snug around the middle. Today I pulled it on and it now goes down over my hips and there's room to spare! This morning my neighbor stopped me and commented on how much weight the big guy and I are losing! Talk about a confidence booster.

We're back on track!

2010-06-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

Why hello there bloggie people!
Eating yesterday was okay, not the most amazing but definetly better than a box of cheese crackers and three frudsicles! I'm back on the phentermine, I've increased my water intake, and I've officially started tracking calories again.
So we're back in business.
I'm still not feeling well the head cold has shifted into my chest and my ears are still all stuffed up. I really hope I don't have an ear infection! I had planned to start working out yesterday but it didn't happen because of the whole cold situation. I'm hoping I start feeling better and will be able to start walking or doing some other form of exercise by the end of the week.

Do you exercise when you're sick? If so what exercises do you do?

Holy Magic Cheddar Bunnies!

2010-06-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

Holy as in Sunday.

Magic as in the whole box disappeared.

Cheddar Bunnies as in freaking delicious!

Yep.

I did.

To my credit though it took me all day to eat the box and I didn't eat anything else...

ok that's a lie. I ate three sugar free fudgesicles and a brisket sandwich.

I know, I know I'm the epitome of healthy eating.

I am feeling slightly better. Which means I'm able to sit upright and hold up my end of conversations even though I sound like I'm being smothered by a big, fluffy pillow.

My cough is getting better though my ears still feel all stuffed up.

I stopped taking phentermine on Friday because it was making it hard for me to breathe. I stayed off of it all weekend. I can definitely see the difference in the way I eat on the pill and how I eat off of it.

The pills for all of their annoying side affects are definitely helping.

Weigh in on Saturday I was up 290.6. just .2 of a pound which is mostly from TOM.

I'm going to start back tracking portions and taking the phentermine again.

It's back on the wagon...again.

; )

There is nothing wrong with arguing with yourself

2010-06-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

...right?

Runny nose? Check. Sore throat? Check. Insane coughing fits? Check.

I think it's safe to say I'm officially sick.

I ended up leaving work early yesterday because I had the chills so bad my teeth were chattering.

No bueno homies.

On the way home from work I had a mental argument with myself over a frappucino, my throat really hurt. All I kept thinking of was that creamy, frosty cold goodness and how it would make me feel better physically and emotionally. I almost talked myself into it. At the last minute though my common sense kicked in and I had to cut across three lanes of traffic to make my exit home where I had a sugar free Popsicle instead.

I eventually fell into bed and took a four hour nap, only waking up when the big guy got home and threw an envelope at me. Our passports came in yesterday, pretty cool (even if I look like a crazed terrorist in my picture). The big guy was bouncing around the house in excitement. It was really cute, he's even started reading our London travel guide. I'm afraid we won't have enough time to do everything we want to do.

We met my friend around eight at Souper!Salad! for her 25th birthday dinner. We all ate to our hearts content. I had blueberry bread and ice cream! We hung outside of the restaurant talking for an hour or so.

I still feel like crap, I wake up sore because I can't breathe and I have lay in weird positions to get air. Bleh. I might save you guys the torment and stay gone for a few days.

I'm off to chug water and OJ.

Cannonball Fiasco!!!

2010-06-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Man! Last night's show went great! I can definitely say I was pleasantly surprised! I knew Josh (guitar) could tear it up on his acoustic but I had never really heard his band play.

Woah.

I took some video with my iphone but it was so loud and my speakers were so bad you can barely make out what's going on.

: (

If you wanna check them out and listen to some of their songs you can visit their myspace.

We didn't make it to Macy's last night I was super late getting home from work. I had a killer migraine and felt super nauseous so I was definitely not a happy camper. Not to mention the PMS monster was at it again. The P-Monster managed to talk (if you consider holding a butter knife to the man's neck while grunting "Chinese" much of a discussion) the big guy into going out for Panda Express.

I did manage to reign the craving in and instead of ordering my usual ginormous three entree I got a panda bowl with just fried rice and kung pao chicken. Dinner came in at about 700 calories which was within my budget for the day even if it was just barely. After eating, I was exhausted but it was time to leave for the show. I popped a few Midols and then rolled my lazy butt into the car. After all I had promised Josh we would go, because we missed their last show.
We got there during the first bands set and I got a chance to meet a bunch of the big guy's friends from high school. We also got a chance to hang out with the band. Josh offered to give me a free drink but the big guy tried to lay down the law (I'm not supposed to drink on my medicine and it was a Tuesday night, not ideal for drunken debauchery). He won that round, however later on when he was looking for a lighter...mwahahaha guess who got to hold hostage negotiations! I know, I know bad! I just don't see how one drink would hurt anything (which it didn't). It did throw me over my calories for the day, only by about a hundred calories which I don't necessarily see as a bad thing because I hardly drink and this was a special occasion. Besides everyone needs to let loose once in awhile! The drink and the midol kicked in at the same time, so I was able to enjoy the show! There was quite a turn out and a good time was had by all. We had another big storm roll in last night when we were leaving the bar, which has caused some flooding and has made it really humid.

Bleh!

I woke up this morning with a sore throat, a runny nose, and completely disoriented.

I soooo can't afford to get sick right now. Cross your fingers this doesn't get anyworse!

I'm off to chug some OJ!

I know I'm not the first fat girl to need a dress...

2010-06-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

I was feeling pretty awesome yesterday. I stepped on the scale and was (unofficially) another pound down, we're in the 280's people! I was also pretty proud of myself because I resisted the drive-thru that morning! Instead I went home and made my own version of my favorite breakfast sandwich, which I artfully dubbed the B'wich! The big guy and I also developed our version of an alpine chicken sammie from Quiznos on Sunday for lunch and I ended up taking the leftovers to work it was delicious!

Hungry girl better watch her back!

Here's the log...

You are going to see a whole 'lotta turkey bacon going on in my logs because it was on major sale at our local HEB grocery.

My workday was super busy so I didn't really have time to think about anything. After work though I talked the big guy into going to the mall down the street to look for a dress for our engagement pictures. Yes I know there's only three months left but better late than never right?

Besides our wedding website is absolutely pathetic with just text! I had been putting off pictures because I didn't want my fat body marring up anyone's travel plans. Now I see that fat or not the pictures are something we kinda need. Plus, it would be a cool thing to have to show our prospective children.

Another thing? We're only inviting close friends and family, and they all know that I'm fat.

I digress. The big guy and I only had an hour until the mall closed so we ran into JcPenny because I'm cheap and didn't want to go to Macy's. We walked in the door and the dress section was directly in front of us. Score! Even better they had a rack of white sundresses, which just so happens to be exactly what I need for our pictures. Feeling totally pumped I attacked the rack... size six, size ten, size two, size twelve...fudge! I wandered around the dress section looking for something anything "plus-sized" but there was nada. Discouraged and a little pouty I followed the big guy up to the Big & Tall section. After a little searching I eventually found the women's section. They had a small selection of dresses (one rack...seriously?!? I know I am not the first fat girl to need a dress!), most of them were in black, brown, or god awful patterns. I grabbed a few. Woah. They sucked! I don't understand why designers would ever put big girls into "maxi dresses" or those new shirt dresses with pockets on the hips...those things are a BAAAAD idea. Oh and what is up with sleeveless I get that it's summer, but would a cap sleeve really kill anybody?

I found one dress that might work, unfortunately while it fits everywhere else it squashed my magically shrinking boobs into pancakes. UGH!!!! We went to Target were we looked around I wasn't planning on buying anything but their women's section there is even worse. I can't believe that two racks is all we big girls have to work with! Tonight I talked the big guy into going to Macy's with me after work. They have a few dresses online that I'm hoping I'll be able to get in store.

Though the one I really want is currently on back order.

: (

After our shopping excursion the PMS monster decided to crop up and DEMAND ice cream.

It was horrible. I've never been an ice cream person but in that moment if I did not get one I was going to stab someone in the eye (most likely the big guy as he was closest). Having only 200 calories left for the day, the big guy and I took stock of our options and a small vanilla cone from McDonald's has around 150 calories. It seemed like our best bet.

Though I will admit I loudly bemoaned the fact that we were mere feet from Freddy's frozen custard and my favorite turtle (death as the big guy calls it) sundae.

I wouldn't be able to have one because:

a.) it's literally a gillion calories

b.) I wouldn't have been able to eat it if I tried (damn pills).

So we each had a cone, which kind of helped stave off the worst of it. Though when we got home I was still craving sweets so I busted out some sugar-free fruit bars (Popsicles) which I had bought purposely for emergencies.

Today looks like it's going to be about the same. Busy at work,

the trip to Macy's to kill my self-esteem a little bit more, and then we are going to head out to a local bar to watch one of the big guys best friends band play a gig.

Hopefully I'll have some cool pictures of the show!

HE SAID WHAT?

2010-06-07T10:54:00.000-07:00

"Your boobs are shrinking."

I don't know about you but this is totally not what I wanted to hear after a four hour lazy Sunday nap. The big guy couldn't point out that my pj's didn't match or that my hair looks like the bride of Frankenstein.

Nope! Lets point out the fact that my chest is shrinking.

I know he was trying to be nice. In his own manly way, he was trying to let me know that I was visibly losing weight.

But the boobs?

Thanks buster! I think I just developed a complex.

How about you?

How does your significant other let you know you are visibly losing weight?

Food Logs: June 2nd - 6th

2010-06-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

June 2nd

June 3rd

June 4th

June 5th

June 6th

Hold on to your snorkles!

2010-06-04T15:01:00.000-07:00

Weekly Weigh in!

Last weeks weight: 294.8

This weeks weight: 290.4

I'll take it! Every little bit helps right? TOM is right around the corner, so I'm quite surprised that I'm even showing a loss! My clothes definitely feel smaller and I'm having trouble keeping my britches up. I'm going to be super stoked when I'm down into the 280's again! Stupid 290's were always holding me back!

Okay so food logs will have to wait another day. Our computer is still messed up from the night of the storm when the big guy pulled the CPU out of it's little cubbie to unplug it. He somehow jostled the wireless card so the computer runs just doesn't connect to the internet. Knock on wood, it should be back up tonight!

Thursday/Friday Recap:

Thursday was a rough day, all that fast food really messed me up! I got super dehydrated because I drank hardly any water. I felt super dizzy and super nauseous. It was not good. It's crazy how things have started to change! Before I started the pills the big guy and I would eat fast food for at least one meal a day sometimes more. I would get a big meal plus the biggest possible soda, only drinking water every once in a while when I remembered that I had too.

Now if I get too much grease or something really bready I can barely handle two or three bites. If I need caffeine I'll have a small diet coke, not much though because I get horrible cotton mouth because of these pills.

I also had to throw all of our spoiled food out and pull our refrigerator apart! There was so much water in the bottom under the crisper drawers. It was gross! The water had a weird yellowish tint to it, which I'm assuming was some kind of mold. It took almost an entire hour of elbow grease before we were able to load our new groceries into our sparkly clean refrigerator.

It wasn't until just after 10pm that I was able to sit down and eat the grilled chicken sandwich the big guy had picked up on our way home. I could barely eat it, though I will admit I'm starting to be able to eat a bit more. I've only been up to the 1600 calorie mark once this week, the rest of the time I hover between 1300 and 1400. We did get a bunch of healthier things to eat now that the big guy is on a diet. I even bought organic when it was available for a REASONABLE price.

Friday eating was much better we had a healthy potluck at work which included trays of veggies, fruits, and some sandwiches. I snuck a few grapes and apple slices after I had finished my veggie burger. I was so full I couldn't eat the second half of my granola bar which I had saved for my last break! I did get some distressing news. Well it shouldn't be distressing...we've been invited to a pool party. Why is this distressing you ask? Well I don't own a swimming suit that fits anymore...so you know what that means.

Dun...dun...dun!

Swimming suit shopping.

I've looked around at various suits online, I found a few cute ones but nothing really caught my eye. I tried Lane Bryant, Avenue, heck I even tried Dillard's and Macy's. Some are really nice but they either don't have the support I need up top or they are really high cut and well lets face it people there is a reason why I call myself the Thunder Thigh Bride.

Oh and I REFUSE to pay over a hundred dollars for an article of clothing I can only use two or three months out of the year.

I finally got fed up and just searched plus size bathing suits on yahoo, I clicked on the first website whose name I could vaguely identify as a real store. I ended up at Land's End. I've never shopped there before but they had a few cute suits that I think might be winners! They fall under the hundred dollar mark, both seem to have pretty good coverage, heck they are even the same exact color!

I think I might need some help deciding.

Suit One:

It's not a miracle suit but they have it advertised that it will make you look one size smaller.

I also love the fact that the bust has an under wire! The only hesitation I have on this swimsuit is the height of the cut. I would feel really insecure and most likely have to buy some shorts or something to at least cover my thighs.

Suit Two:

Pretty close to the same suit only this one seems to have more coverage for the girls, and more of a drape over the thighs. It's not a swim dress because the back is like a regular suit back.

Hmm...decisions...decisions!

Where do you shop for bathing suits? Any recommendations?

Oh what a night! We are making progress though!

2010-06-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Wow.

I was going to write a cutesy little post last night about the problems that go along with your pants getting to big. That was before I took a quick break to go outside with the big guy.

Then all hell broke loose!

I doubt it made national news but San Antonio got b*tch slapped by mother nature last night (hope you're in your comfy chair because this is going to take awhile).

We knew we were going to get a storm because the weather service had put out a severe weather warning for flooding. What caught us ALL off guard was how fast the storm was moving...like 50 mph winds fast! The big guy and I were innocently talking to our neighbor under our porch one minute, the next our neighbor is commenting about the massive signs for nearby businesses swaying like crazy and the sky turning colors (it was like a muted greenish, then reddish, grayish blur).

The big guy was mid-sentence when suddenly roofing material, tree limbs, dirt, our neighbors potted plants, (hell I'm sure Toto was in there too) came flying at our heads. The big guy yelled to get in the apartment. I've never run so fast in my life! We made it inside just as the rain started to come down in sheets (I wish I were exaggerating). The animals were flipping out, the big guy was talking excitedly nonstop, I was going through contingency plans in my head, it was freakin' pandemonium!

(A small part of the aftermath. What was once part of our roof!)

Oh wait it gets better!

When the big guy opened the door to peek outside and assess the damage the storm had caused the power went out.

OH GOD.

The big guy grabbed his phone to use as a flashlight so we could find a lighter to get some candles lit when he noticed that the severe weather warnings had jumped from one to nine in a matter of...oh an hour.

As if that's not bad enough...

we then lost cell service completely. Working together were finally able to get the candles lit and made sure our neighbors had enough as well. Then the big guy and I opened the curtains to enjoy natures magnificent light show. I made sure we had a pitcher of filtered water just in case...well I don't know why it seemed like a smart thing to do at the time. I also made sure I had 'backup' candles ready should we need them and then the big guy and I discussed where we would take shelter in case of a tornado (we decided on the bathtub or the hallway).

We sat staring at each other for quite sometime and then it got hot. Anyone who has ever lived in the south knows what I'm talking about that sticky muggy heat where you can almost see the moisture hanging in the air. BLEH! We opened our windows but the heat was still so oppressive we braved the elements and ended up outside under the porch again. Our neighbors were all out as well, we tried to make small talk but it was almost impossible with the howl of the storm, and all of the sirens blaring (we live down the street from the fire department). We finally all just settled on watching the lightning above us.

IT SUCKED!

I hate not knowing what's going on. I like to be at least one step in front of catastrophe (and I wonder why I have anxiety). Luckily we got a tiny bit of cell signal back (2 bars that kept disappearing). The only thing that would load via the internet was facebook. Both of us had friends all over the town that reported the same stuff we were going through. We are both 'fans' of a local TV station who reported 120,000 people across San Antonio alone (surrounding areas/counties had issues as well) were without power. It was later reported that there were fires being sparked by lightning strikes out in Canyon Lake and there were something like 59 downed power lines across town.

We finally fell asleep around midnight, though I'll admit I didn't really sleep well because the dog was on alert all night keeping a constant guard at my feet and it was so darn hot! I was up by 4am, there was still no power. Typically our electric company is pretty good at getting things back up in a timely manner. I can count the times the power has been out for more than 2 hours on one hand. So I was a little concerned. I used precious phone battery to visit their website where they had an updating outage map. The entire city and most surrounding areas were still reporting outages, there were something like 79,000 outages reported at that time. Unable to sleep I laid on the couch until the big guy got up (around 6am) and we decided to go scavenge for food.

Oh did I mention? When the electricity goes out...so does the fridge! Sure we kept the door shut the whole time to keep the cold in, but do you want to eat eggs that have been getting warmer and warmer by the hour?

Yeah me either.

(Smarta$$? Not me!)

We piled in the car and went in search of restaurant. ALL of the places by us were without power. Employees watched the road from the open doors of darkened restaurants. It was kind of sad. We ended up having to drive a few miles before we found a part of town WITH power (some of the traffic lights were all helter-skelter though). We ended up at McDonald's where the line was long but hey they had power and FOOD. When finally got to the window to pay for our meal, the girl took our card and... then their systems completely crashed. They couldn't charge my card, they couldn't see any orders, Mc D's was completely and officially shut down.

I seriously thought the big guy was going to cry. He's starting the third day of his diet and was starving. I tried to explain to him that it was okay, that things could be worse. We could not have a place to live or be wading through five feet of water. When that didn't move him I even pointed out that everyone in the line was most likely in the same boat that we were in it was no use though he was a grumpy gus.

The drive-thru attendant took pity on us though (who wouldn't when the big guy throws the pouty lip) and ended up waving us on to the next window saying it was on the house so our breakfast was free. By 8am still no power though the number of outages got down to around 50,000 or so. I took the big guy to work and hung out at home until 9am (or so).

I had finally resigned myself to a cold shower in the dark, when like magic every electrical device we own began to hum.

Oh Gawd electricity how I've missed you!!

I could have cried. I managed to make it to work even if I was four minutes late and without a lunch.

It's all good though I still have this Zen like attitude that I developed yesterday. I just keep reminding myself whenever I get upset or frustrated that it could be worse. Which is surprising because normally when sh*t goes wrong or crazy I lose it and become a big ol' basket of nerves. I managed to handle everything pretty gracefully if I do say so myself.

Anyway the most impressive part is that even with all of the stress the big guy and I resisted temptation to snack while without power and not only was our breakfast free it was lo-cal!

I will try to post food logs tomorrow because our computer is currently out for the count. Even though today I ate out for all meals and snacks. I managed to keep myself under 1600 calories. I have not exercised in two days (other than running from debris and scrubbing down our water logged fridge), though I think I have a pretty valid excuse.

We had to go shopping again to replace all the staples that had gone bad during the black out. So things are starting to get back to normal for us. My heart does go out for the people in San Antonio who are now officially going into the 24hr plus range without electricity especially with the highs we've been having lately!

Well hello there stranger it's been awhile!

2010-06-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've read blogs where the writer is amazed when her thighs don't touch anymore or where they can once again see their collarbones or their ankles are once again looking 'normal' again. These people seem almost enthralled while they write about their experience like that can't believe all their hard work has actually paid off. I've never had one of those moments on this blog.

Until now.

I noticed yesterday that it was uncomfortable to rest my elbows on my chair. I attributed it to mosquito bites I got at the party on Sunday. As I rubbed them though I realized that it wasn't a bite I was touching...it was a bone. A bone I didn't remember that I had. I rubbed the other elbow to see if I was hallucinating or in need of a doctor, but I felt the same thing.

Woah.

Well I did a little research to try to find the name of the bone I could feel. Dude do I feel stupid! I had no clue what I was looking at on the diagram. I'm assuming that it's part of my joint. A coworker advised it's most likely the end of the humorous (sp?), the bone in the upper part of the arm.
Anyway, what I'm feeling is not the tip of the elbow but the little upraised bone to the left (of your right elbow). I'll wait while you check it for yourself.
...
...
...

You see what I'm talking about?

I haven't felt that thing in quite a while. Again. Woah.
I knew my clothes were fitting better but I didn't know you could lose weight in your elbows!

Okay back to whatever productive thing you were doing before I interrupted.
I just thought I'd share my own little mini success story.

Terrible Tuesday...

2010-06-02T06:42:00.000-07:00

Okay so my eating wasn't that bad. In fact it was really good, work was really busy though. It normally is the day after a holiday. We got so backed up that I had to stay a half hour late, I had a migraine from hell (damn you hormones!), and REALLY needed to eat.

Anyway enough of my whining here's my food/exercise log for yesterday.

"Cereal, original" in Fiber One's original cereal, it gives the brand on my phone I'm not sure why it isn't coming across on the log. I just sprinkled some over my yogurt and berries. Yum! Dinner was a Bertolli Oven Baked Meal we found in the freezer. It was okay. In a serving you get three huge shells filled with ricotta in a scampi sauce with little shrimp thrown in all for 600 calories. What killed the dish for me was the 1200 mg of sodium. Yikes! Talk about retaining water! On the bright side I did end up taking in 25.1 grams of fiber.

I'm not sure why the second half of the log is bigger. Maybe because there's more on the first half? Oh well. Here are the numbers from yesterday:

So today was a busy day! I did alright exercise wise the plan was to walk for the whole 30 minutes but because I was so late getting out of work. I didn't have the time or the energy to squeeze one in, so I plugged in my headphones and got my groove on. I was all sweaty at the end of 30 minutes so I'm assuming I did it right. ; )

Maybe today I can sneak in some walking on my breaks. If it doesn't rain.

I don't fail...June Goals.

2010-06-01T10:31:00.000-07:00

I've avoided making goals on this blog. For me personally, goals are like kryptonite. I never reach them and it kills me and any diet I'm on at the time. I don't know what it is, I can set a goal to cook dinner once during a week and still fail (I'm not exaggerating if you've read this blog for long enough you can attest to that).
Recently though while watching a documentary on PBS about the history of advertising, I had an epiphany. Let me explain:
Half way through the program some of the leading advertising execs were discussing some of the most memorable ads on television (Mac's '1984' campaign, Nike's 'Just do it', 'Got Milk?', etc.). When asked about failed projects one man looked straight into the camera and said "I don't fail." Woah...that's a loaded comment. He then went on to talk about how he might have projects that don't go as well as others but he's never just mailed it home. He's always given it his all, and believed in what he was doing (selling) despite the risks/obstacles. This is why he's always had success. Anyone remember when Tommy Hilfiger exploded on the scene? This was the guy in charge of the advertising campaign that launched the line.

This clip gave me goosebumps.

What if I could be like this guy? What if I could adopt the "I don't fail." attitude? Those slip-ups and snafus they aren't failures, they are roadblocks to be overcome on the way to our goals and our success.

Damn.

So here we go. Despite the risk, I'm setting some goals.

Oh and by the way...I don't fail. ; )

1.) Blog at least 25 of 30 days this month.

2.) Do some form of exercise (walking, yoga, swimming, or workout video) for 30 minutes at least three times a week.

3.) Stay under 1600 calories and take in a minimum of 25 grams of fiber a day.

4.) Try a new food twice this month.

5.) Finish putting wedding invitations together.

Weekends are too short!

2010-05-31T17:55:00.000-07:00

I don't have a lot of time so this is just a quick update!

I made it through my first party on the diet pills. It was a little awkward when everyone else was eating and I just sat there drinking my water. Everyone kept asking if I wanted to eat but I couldn't. About an hour or so after everyone else was done I finally got the munchies so I grabbed a small plate of chips and fruit.

I did not eat all of the chips though I did eat all of the fruit. I also drank a full 3 liter bottle of water and then a few cups after that. They also had two different kinds of cake, red velvet and some kind of chocolate bunt cake. Everyone was raving about both so I cut a small

(think sliver ---- that wide) piece of the red velvet cake it was okay the frosting was ehh, I was happier with the grapes.

Yeah you read that right I'd rather eat GRAPES than cake!

Here is the food log for Sunday.

I made sure to have a big lunch so I didn't get too out of control at the party. To be honest I was starving around lunch time. I guess it was the smaller breakfast?

Here's the food log for Monday:

Saturday recap and food log!

2010-05-30T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was okay. We didn't really do much just had lunch with friends and then went to a pet store called Alamo Aquatics. I've decided I don't like reptiles, or birds, or fish (they don't DO anything, if you can't hug it what's the point?). Definitely not fond of ferrets, though I did try to talk the big guy into a baby rabbit that slept on it's back and got all pissy when he woke up. I didn't know rabbits had attitude! The big guy said no though, we'll see what he says when he comes home to rabbit cage in the middle of the living room. ;) Just playin! A bunny is the last thing we need right now.

I also finally figured out how to get the info from my iPhone food log onto my computer! I know some of you more technically inclined people could have had it done in a matter of seconds...oh well.

As you can see not the healthiest day ever. We had back to back to back puffy tacos. Dinner Friday night, leftovers for breakfast and then the big guys friends wanted to go to Henry's Puffy Taco's and well the name says it all. My stomach is not handling the grease well, I've been nauseous since yesterday's lunch. I felt so bad that I ended up sleeping from three o'clock till to almost seven. If I see another puffy taco I'm going to throw it at some one's head! I didn't track water but that was all I pretty much drank yesterday (excluding dinner I had a small diet Pepsi).

This evening we are going to a friends house for a party, which should be interesting. It's going to be the first time seeing them since I started the pills, they might be a little disappointed that I can't drink, but we always end up having a fun time. Food is most likely going to be bad. I guess we'll see what happens. Hasta la Bye Bye!

Can I get a drum roll please...weekly weigh in!

2010-05-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Can I get a drum roll please?

Last weeks weight:

299.2

This weeks weight:

294.8

Total lost this week:

4.4 pounds

Told you it was pretty cool! Considering I did not workout at all this week that number is pretty bad A! I can't say that I'm surprised with the number though. These stupid pills make it nearly impossible to eat. I have to remind myself to eat three meals a day. I feel no hunger.

When I do need to eat...I don't crave anything. It drives the big guy nuts because now he's in charge of picking out what we have for dinners. I'm also averaging about 3 liters of water a day which for me the quantity is hard to fathom, though again can't say it's surprising, the darn pills give me cotton mouth like something fierce!

We aren't doing anything special this weekend. The big guy wants to go hang out with a work friend and his wife (who are Great Dane enthusiasts as well), he says we might go out for lunch. Though even at this time I doubt I could eat anything. I've been trying to figure out how to post my food log onto the blog but the app I use makes it difficult to do so. Hopefully I'll figure it out this weekend and still have time to finish cutting out our wedding invites (40 down only a bazillion and one to go!).

Hope you all have a safe and happy memorial day! Someone eat some BBQ for me!

Around Town Friday...Las Palapas

2010-05-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't done one of these in quite sometime! Las Palapas is a local restaurant that opened in 1981, their first location was in the now defunct Central Park Mall, but they have grown to over eleven different locations across San Antonio.

Las Palapas is open late and I can't tell you how many times I've found myself sitting in a booth gossiping into the night with friends and/or the big guy while chowing down on chips and salsa. Another plus for a fatty like me? Most locations have a drive-thru.

Now I'm not going to lie I wasn't trying to go healthy mostly because of the medication that I'm on. I can hardly eat enough anymore in one sitting to go 'overboard' anyway. I did break from the normal cheese enchilada meal, which seems to be my Mexican food fall back. This time I opted for the puffy taco plate which consists of two beef tacos, approx 1/2 c of rice, 1/2 c of refried beans and two flour tortillas.

I never realized how beige this meal is. There is absolutely no color on this plate! Oddly enough as I was trying to research the calorie count on these buggers I discovered that puffy tacos originated in San Antonio! Puffy tacos are created by taking uncooked corn tortilla's and then frying them in hot oil until they become "puffy" or in other words they expand.

Anyway, I ended up able to eat the rice and beans but could only take on one of the tacos which I washed down with a diet coke (I know, I know kind of contradictory to have a diet coke with a fried meal but hey every calorie counts right?). After declaring myself full I all but had to roll myself from the table. While the food tasted great I immediately felt sick to my stomach (I think it was the grease).

I ended up searching the internet for about 45 minutes when I tried to put this in my tracker. Caloric stats are almost nonexistent due to the difference in cooking methods and such. I did however finally stumble over a recipe on recipezaar that had an approximate calorie count for the shell itself. I just pieced the rest of the meal together by using the highest caloric ingredients I could because I wasn't sure exactly what was used in the preparation. I've found when counting calories I'd rather overestimate than underestimate. After all the only person you are hurting by under estimating the calories in a meal is yourself. Your numbers might look pretty on your tracker but the truth will tell on your belly... I'm just sayin'.

Anyway overall for the shell, the meat, the spices and cheese one puffy taco clocks in at (approximately) 323 calories a pop. Fat is at 15.8, sat fat: 7.2g, cholest: 64.3, sodium: 649.2, carbs: 23.4 and protein: 20.6 (fiber and sugar info was non existent on some of the ingredients so I left them off). Again I'm no rocket scientist and I've never been a math scholar, so this is just an approximation. It was a pain in the ass to get this information and I relied heavily on my Lose It app. I just figured I'd throw it out there for those of you in SA who like Puffy Tacos but could never find the Nutritional Stats either. The meal two puffy tacos, rice and beans clocked in at 975. That's not counting the flour tortilla's (which are going stale on our kitchen table as I type this) or the fact that typically I would have drank a 32oz Dr. Pepper or a Coke WITH this meal. YIKES. You might as well not eat anything else all day, not to mention sodium intake would be through the roof!

All considered though, Las Palapas is awesome, definitely could turn into a diet wrecker, but awesome and convenient none the less.

That's one tough cook...I mean cupcake

2010-05-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

I've mentioned my coworkers attempts to kill me with food before...behold more evidence.

Introducing Specimen: Crabby Cake

Our management team brought in these little buggers to show their appreciation...what sucks is I couldn't eat it if I tried!

(Thanks Rick for the picture and the laugh!)

Is it time to go home yet?

2010-05-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

I've felt like this ALLLLLLL week! I guess that's the case whenever there is a three day weekend coming up. Anyway I'm still not able to eat much. I started tracking again just to get an idea of the calories I'm able to take in a day and I'm averaging between 1400-1600 a day. Which is typical of other dieters or so I've read. However, this is WAY under the calories spark people and the Lose it! app have been recommending for a woman my size and height which is most likely why I've been feeling so weak and lightheaded lately.

My symptoms are getting better though so my body must be getting used to taking in fewer calories/taking the pills. Honestly I feel a bit smaller, I've jumped on the scale (unofficially of course) and I'm really impressed with what's been accomplished so far!

You'll just have to wait for Saturday's weigh-in to see the results!

The big guy and I are talking about starting an exercise (walking) regimen next week. I'm also kicking butt on water intake! I'm averaging three liters of water a day and only one caffeinated beverage a day as well (either coffee or diet soda).

I think it's finally hit the big guy that our wedding is in three months and twenty two days (but who's counting?). He keeps talking about the money he's putting aside for the reception and honeymoon (the ceremony has been paid for) and his newly acquired diet plans, he's just going to stay under 2000 calories by tracking what he eats. I think the act of going to the post office and getting our passport applications turned in is what finally snapped him into action exercise wise. I can't complain though I've been lucky he's been a big help with the planning process by talking to vendors for me while I'm at work and doing all the leg work with contracts.

I've been busy haggling with bridesmaids over their dresses (why doesn't anyone understand that noon in Vegas is going to be HOT even in September!) and I've started to officially print our wedding invitations!

Check it out:

Pretty cool right? I made them using Microsoft Word! There are several DIY wedding invitation websites out there that have templates that you can just plug your information into and print! I really wanted to do boarding pass style invites because everyone will have to travel to get to Vegas and I'm a travel agent. ; ) The only complaints I really have about doing our own invites are that my hand cramps up because I'm cutting each one out individually (which is my fault I'm too cheap to buy one of those straight edge paper cutters), our printer has also decided to go haywire and only print one page at a time before getting itself stuck so we have to restart the printer after each page (agh!).

We're lucky though.

If we were to buy our invites (boarding pass style) from a company the cost for 25 invitations not including anything else but envelopes was around $125 and that's with a discount.

Ugh... yikes!

So far I've spent $16 on 200 pages of card stock(which will make 100 invites/decorated ticket sleeves), $30 on replacement ink (we printed our save the dates with this as well), and $4 on 100 self adhesive envelopes.

With that kind of savings I guess I can't complain about doing a little work! Besides they look awesome and I was able to decorate and add the info I wanted to them instead of relying on a stock invitation!

My first weekend as a pill popper...

2010-05-24T10:30:00.001-07:00

Just a quick weekend update for ya.

Saturday Weigh in:

299.2 lbs

I started the pills again on Saturday which ended up being a busy day for us. I had to rush around in the morning to throw together a wedding invitation for the big guys Grandfather only finishing in time to catch a quick shower and then jump in the car. We ended up spending the afternoon on his grandfathers farm in Jarrell Texas. It was a fun time, we walked around his grandfathers property and I got to see real chickens (I know I'm a dork)! They are pretty close to self sufficient out there, with garlic, jalapeno, tomato plants. As well as several different fruit trees, chickens (which lay an average of 4 eggs a day), and cows. It's crazy to see people in their 70's who are able to run around and manage all that land! Hell I got winded just walking out to their wood shop. We had dinner with the big guys sister, her husband, and our one year old niece just outside of Austin at Cheddar's before heading home.

Over all I ended up hardly able to eat anything. Every time I sat down with something to eat I had no desire to eat it. Which is kind of frustrating. I also felt really full after just eating a little bit, I felt almost nauseous.

Here's what I did eat on Saturday:

Breakfast: A double fiber whole grain cinnamon swirl bagel w/2tbsp cream cheese & a yakult (pro biotic drink)

Lunch: Half a crispy chicken salad w/lite ranch dressing & a cherry lime aid from sonic

Dinner: Cheddars New Orleans pasta (5 Cajun shrimp and approx 1/4 c pasta w/Cajun Alfredo)/1 diet coke/water/1 tortilla chip (yes just one) & a sip of the big guys margarita.

Snack: three Late July Organic Dark Chocolate cookies.

2 liters of water.

Sunday was much the same. The big guy and I decided to do some spring cleaning so I ended up scrubbing the bathroom from top to bottom, cleaning mirrors, and mopping the bathroom & the hallways. I also mucked out our bedroom/office space, dusted our living room, folded/hung almost every piece of clothing we own (I wish I were exaggerating) and organized our bookcases. Oww! I think I pulled a muscle in my back with all that scrubbing! I also forgot to eat breakfast and didn't eat lunch until almost three.

Here's what I ate on Sunday:

Lunch: 1/2 c of left over pasta and piece of left over garlic bread from Cheddars.

Snack: Justaburger w/cheese mustard and pickles only.

Dinner: 1 slice of red baron cheese pizza 1 tsp of kens ranch dressing.

Snack: 4 chocolate donuts and 1/2 c of milk

2 liters of water.

I know I'm the epitome of healthy eating. It should get better next week. The big guy has declared that he's going to start a diet as well on June 1st which means it'll be easier to keep the donuts and junk out of the house.

Not that I could eat much of it while it's in the house. : /

A plus though, I've been monitoring my blood pressure closely and it's been awesome all weekend!

I'll update more when I get out of work!

sigh breaking up is hard to do...

2010-05-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

No the big guy and I are not calling it quits (sorry to get your hopes up mom & dad). When I reference breaking up I'm talking about my loves, Chinese food, soda, fast food, junk food in general. It's been so hard to break these habits because they have become so ingrained into my perception of who I am and how I deal with situations that sometimes I don't think I can handle things on my own.

For so long these "bad" foods have been my fall backs, my enablers in a sense. Have a bad day? Head to Panda Express and drown yourself in orange chicken and a giant Dr. Pepper. I don't even consciously think about it anymore I just do it. This is why my diets fail, all it takes is one bad day and *bam* all that hard work is out the door.

The second I hit bottom it's all to easy for me to stay there.

Where is this coming from you ask?

Last week after I posted about using weight loss pills that my doctor prescribed I tried them.

Boy howdy I was bouncing off the walls! I can see how people could get addicted to these things, the craziest part for me? I wasn't hungry, at all. The only time I ate was when my tummy growled audibly during work, and even then I wasn't hungry so I only ate a small portion of a sandwich just to get my stomach to shut up. I was so happy and excited. I hadn't expected them to work that well.

The next day I got ready for work and took another pill. Then things got weird. I got anxious, nervous, and quickly found my anxiety spinning out of control. I experienced the worst panic attack I've ever had followed up with another one soon after. I had to call into work. I was home alone all day so I lay in bed crying until I was finally calmed down enough to call my mom and then my best friend who were both able to help talk my anxiety down to a functional level. During this time I had the mental impulse to eat, I always do when I feel like my world is spinning out of control. I wanted chocolate, fried things, excess sugar. The pills were doing their job though and I physically couldn't eat. Anytime I sat down with something I couldn't bring myself to eat it. My mind was begging me to eat but my body was telling me I didn't need to.

Hmmm...

Needless to say I stopped taking the weight loss pills. Apparently my anxiety medicine needs at least two weeks to kick in and I was informed by multiple sources that I should give the meds their time to work before trying the phentermine again.

I restart the process tomorrow. I'm scared because I've never experienced a low that bad before in my life! I've always had problems with my anxiety/depression so this isn't anything new it was just an intense experience.

At the same time though I can see how the darn pills can help me now.
This revelation hit me as I curled up in a tearful blob on the couch with a bag of potato chips in one hand and a tub of dip in the other. Both of which I couldn't physically bring myself to eat.

All of this got me to thinking about other situations in my life that I've medicated myself with food instead of facing my issues. (I'm not going to list em all...just some of the biggies)

Age 12-14- instead of dealing with insecurities of moving to two new states/growing up. I began to withhold food from myself. At this time I only ate when I was with my parents (we had family dinners every night).

15-16-my obsession with Chinese food begins when a boyfriend (who was much older than me) introduces me to this world of fried sauciness. Said boyfriend was not only older than me but also bipolar who would cut himself if I ever talked about leaving him...needless to say I started eating again.

17-18- Broke up with crazy guy (who subsequently tries to kill himself), start dating not so crazy guy, get broken up with and suffer emotional devastation (there's more to that story but we aren't going there). Add into the mix my working part time at a fast food restaurant (so I had my own money) and my own car. Also start college, there was a freshens (sp?) and a chickfilet in the basement of my dorm and a Starbucks across the courtyard. It's all just a giant recipe for disaster. I meet the big guy first year at college. Dating = eating out = big fat butt.

19-20-I moved with my parents to rural Nevada, something I was against from the start (again there's too much to get into) . Utterly miserable. I start medicating myself with plates of french fries with ranch. Leave my parents house to live on a diet of hot pockets, alcohol and whatever I can scrounge up. Save up all my money and make a hasty move back to Texas and the big guy. Once I have access to food again...all hell breaks loose.

21-23 (current)- discover my love of legal fruity drinks and proceed to drink my weight in margarita, get a new awesome job as a travel counselor (where they feed us almost everyday), struggle with the big guy to pay off debt accrued while living in helko nv (still paying), have car problems (two cars died in under six months), start planning wedding in Vegas (which has been fun)/honeymoon in London (which has not).

Woah...I think I see a pattern.

Maybe with the help of these pills I can overcome my overwhelming urge to medicate with food, because whether I like it or not I use food as a security blanket. I think it's time I start admitting it.
Maybe it's time to start facing my issues, instead of feeding them hostess, fastfood, and sodas.

So I'm saying this now with you all as my witnesses:

"(junk) Food, you're awesome and you make people really happy. One day I'll be able to eat you in moderation and possibly/responsibly we can rekindle our relationship, but at this time I think we need to part ways. It's not you...it's me. I just need to work on myself for a little while and see if I can handle it on my own. So this is goodbye."

To Pill or not to Pill...

2010-05-11T15:00:00.001-07:00

Well I made it to the doctors on Friday without killing anyone (though it came close).

First things first the weigh in...

302.4 lbs

Ouch...That hurt. I know, I know I did it to myself. I'm not going to lie I've been avoiding the scale at home because I had begun to notice that my pants were a little (ok alot) tight and didn't want to face the music. The blood pressure was a little high when they took it in the office but that is to be expected with the constant feelings of being PO'd. Oddly enough when I finally got to talk to the doctor he didn't seem surprised he just nodded and suggested we up the dosage. I was a little hesitant at first being that I'm not a huge fan of drugs (they seem to hit me harder than normal people...I guess I have no tolerance).
He did however give me some good news: still no blood pressure medicine!
He said even though the reading was a little high when they took it in office it wasn't that bad (Yippee!).
Then he moved on to the next order of business...my fatness.
Last time I saw him I told him about my weight loss efforts. The next time I saw him I had a gain. Hmmm...I can see how he would be concerned. I explained how the medication he put me on gave me the munchies like something fierce, but he just looked at me with that knowing eye.
Sh*t I think I've met my match.
Guess I can't BS myself or my doctors anymore.
He suggested, since I was having problems with my munchies, going on a diet medication. Namely Phentermine.
We had discussed it last time I had gone in because a family member is taking it and has had success on it. Nothing crazy...just a consistent two pounds or so a week. I was scared though because Phentermine was a key component of Phen-Fen (Yikes). The doctor and I had a long talk in which he advised me that it wasn't anything that could really hurt me. He also advised certain studies have shown that this medication has been shown in some cases to help people who have Depression/Anxiety deal with their symptoms. Of course he added the disclaimer that diet and exercise were required as well (duh). So I ended up walking out of the appointment with a new prescription.
I was almost tempted to just not say anything here but who would that help? Maybe there is someone out there like me who has had the medication foisted on them and they are at the same crossroads unsure of whether or not they really want to go through with it.
Then Lyn from Escape from Obesity posted about 'crutches'. She makes a pretty good point. People don't respect people who use 'crutches' (pills/surgeries) to lose weight. Yet at the same time any diet program can be considered a crutch and if it helps YOU lose weight who's to judge? This helped ease some of my apprehension about it all.
I mean really if this helps me lose weight why should I be ashamed of it?
What's your thoughts on diet aids/crutches?

Side affects (not really weight loss related)

2010-05-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

I was totally going to write this post about how I've been able to stay on track with my goal to be active for a minimum of 30 minutes a day. Even with raw thighs I've been able to do some modified stretches and crunches and the like. I've been able to ease back into walking (or should we be realistic and call it waddling).

However I woke up this morning pissed as hell and wanting to slap someone silly (okay so I toned it down here I really wanted to cause some intense physical harm).

That inspirational post I started writing last night...it ain't going to happen.

I've been feeling this way (aggressive...really aggressive) for the past few days. It's not anywhere near T-O-M so it's not PMS. The only thing I've done differently is to take my new anti-depressants everyday (I had to make a timer because I've been forgetting). My anger has been progressively getting worse, today being the culminating point. I woke up, took one look at my fiance, and said "I wanna punch the shit out of someone today".

What's sad is it's his birthday. I quickly followed that line with a Happy Birthday and a hug (only after assuring him he wasn't the one I wanted to punch).

There is something wrong when the first thought in your mind is to cause bodily harm to someone/anyone who crosses your path. Kevin didn't ask me if I was staying home, he told me that I'm staying home today. I guess the last thing we need is for me to lose my job because I go off on the first customer that gives me attitude (which I've been dangerously close to recently) or punch my boss. Thank god I go into the doctor tomorrow. Maybe he needs to take down the dosage. These pills had been helping, I've done things I typically would never do because I've been less anxious/depressed. I was also feeling significantly better/lighter emotionally (when I forgot to take a dose every now and then).

Oh well. Tonight for Kevin's birthday I'm making turkey chili (like the kind I made for new years), and a fun-fetti Big Top Cupcake. Not sure what a big top cupcake is? I'll post pictures of it later.

Well I'm off to try some Tae-Bo maybe I can work some of this negative energy off before I start prepping the chili.

Momma's little emotional eater...

2010-05-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I know the picture is a little blurry, but I would like to introduce you to the other furry critter that calls our apartment home. This is Boda our geriatric feline friend. As you can see he is adept in Yoga, however Boda has a little problem.
He's an emotional eater.
How do I know this? Because I've seen it happen. When we brought Morticia into his life he drowned his sorrows with bowl after bowl of meow mix (he also took to pooping in his water bowl in protest).
We couldn't keep his bowl full enough.
The second he could see the bottom he would come find us using his bushy tail and big amber eyes to lure us to the bathroom (his territory the dog isn't allowed in the bathroom). Since he's gotten used to the having Morticia around his eating as slowed down as well. However at any perceived slight he runs to his food bowl (or tries to eat wrappers out of the trash) . I've tried keeping him on a diet, I've tried feeding him once a day.
The way he carries on though makes it impossible not to give him food (homeboy will stand on your chest or hound you around the house meowing the whole time if he feels you aren't feeding him enough).
Maybe I'm an enabler.
Maybe I'm more like my annoying cat than I think (no wonder the big guy gives in to my hostess cravings).
Hmmm...they say that your kids are a reflection of yourself. I wonder if the same goes for your pets?

Ow, ow, ow,owww....

2010-05-03T12:30:00.000-07:00

I had expected yesterday to hurt so much so that I had kept myself properly medicated and confined to bed all day. I figured going from 0-5k overnight was one of the stupidest things I could have done.

I was right.

However waking up this morning completely unaware of my surroundings with pain in my thighs thew me for a loop. All I could think was...Ow. Ow. OWWWW.

Apparently while walking I rubbed the skin off the inside of my upper thighs. Leaving a nice little raw spot to torture me today. When I went to drop the big guy off at work anytime I moved my leg I was met with an uncomfortable pinch. I started getting ready for my day at work and every pair of pants literally hurt. The only pair I could wear comfortably?

Sweat pants that are two sizes too big.

I most likely could have gotten away with wearing flip flops for the day (don't even get me started on the blisters I've got on the backs and bottoms of my feet) but I severely doubt the people I work with would be cool with me coming in to the office in ratty ol' sweats. So I called in (even though the big guy wasn't happy about it). I'm going to take this time to relax and keep my boo-boo clean and dry. Well that's what I thought until the dog got sick again, and when I tried to toss some empty cans in the trash one ripped my finger open like something fierce.

Today is just not my day.

I feel like a walking add for Band-Aids, lord knows I'm covered in enough of them!

I don't regret the 5k though. In fact, despite all of my whining I'm really impressed with myself and what this flabby body can still do. Don't get me wrong, it hurts, god does it hurt, but I did it. I walked just over 3 miles in under two hours without stopping.

Hell Yeah!

As I've pretty much been laid up for two days. I've come to the conclusion that I need a goal. Not like a number goal so much as just something I should be consciously shooting for. So I came up with a monthly goal for the month of May.

My goal is to be active for a minimum of 30 minutes a day.

I can do it!

Race for the Cure San Antonio

2010-05-02T16:37:00.000-07:00

"Supporting the Fighters,

admiring the Survivors,
honoring the Taken,
and never giving up hope."
An entire family had t-shirts made with this printed on the back. Their mother was a breast cancer survivor and they had all come out to support her with her walk. It was touching to see a family banding together like that, but this sight was down right inspirational:
Thousands of strangers in our community coming together to save the boobies!
I'd never been to a Race for the Cure before. I've always secretly wanted to participate but had always been to (pardon the french) chicken shit to actually do it.
This year when registration came around I figured enough was enough and I didn't hesitate to sign up. Though I was soon regretting it on race day when I had to wake up at 5:15 in the morning.
This is me looking (not so) fresh as a daisy.
I was fortunate enough to walk with my fiances best friend's mom (confused yet?) Claudia and his aunt Kathy. Claudia just happens to be the owner of local flower shop Petal Palace. She's a breast cancer survivor and all around awesome person (and I'm not just saying that because she lets me drink her wine).
We all met around 7-ish to carpool downtown with cancer survivor/Claudia's friend Debra. We arrived a little later than everyone had hoped and the crowds were insane! It was butt-to-butt people, I had to keep a hand on someone's shoulder the entire time because I was afraid that I would lose my group. We wandered around a bit, stopping by the survivors tent where I got to meet several more incredibly sweet and resilient women.
We were a little late in lining up for the walk because we got distracted with free samples of Fiber One yogurts, Skinny Cow ice creams, and Success rice. When we finally got to the starting point the optimism was tangible. Of course a 5K is just over 3 miles (if you wanna get technical 3.10685 miles) here's a map of our route.

Here's Claudia looking ravishing in her pepto-pink survivor shirt at the starting line:

News crews were everywhere in fact I nearly got run over by a camera man.

Everyone was pumped, I was too...until I saw the hill.

Nobody told me there were hills in 5k's!

Halfway up my calves were burning and I belatedly remembered that I had forgotten to stretch. I kept asking myself why the hell I was doing this and then I would look around me. Everyone else was struggling too. So I kept with it. We finally reached the top and were afforded an awesome view of the Towers of the America's and the crowd that had shown up.

We soon passed by Hemisphere Park:

A local band has volunteered and played Bon Jovi's 'Living on a Prayer' which seemed to bolster the crowd after the hill from hell. I even found myself singing along with the rest of the crowd.

I snapped a picture of myself at the first mile mark:

I seemed to have caught a second wind around a mile and a half in when I was distracted from my aching feet by the beauty around me. I've never really spent extensive time downtown even though I've lived here on and off since the later part of my 8th grade year. Typically my excursions downtown are the perfunctory shuttling of family members to the big landmarks.

One awesome part of this walk was that it forced me to look around I was surprised at the pride that I felt in my heart for this awesome city!

We soon found ourselves passing the River Center mall and then the famous Alamo.

We were surprised with Mariachis wearing pink shirts, ribbons, and flowers in their hair (well the girls anyway).

More awesome downtown architecture (the Emily Morgan Hotel/ some federal building).

It seemed to take forever for us to make it to the 2nd mile mark. Our crew had started to walk a little slower and though other people had stopped to take pictures in front of the Alamo or listen to the bands we kept on trucking. We were relieved to see volunteers with water at the two mile marker.

Here's another picture of my ugly mug at 2 miles.

I have to say I was surprised that I made it so far! The last mile seemed to be the hardest as we left the touristy part of town and moved into more of the industrial sector. I personally steer clear of this area just because I'm a chicken baby. So I sped up a little bit.

I was discouraged to see another frickin' hill (it's on the other side of the tracks).

Before we knew it we were passing some High School P.A.L.S who acted as cheer leaders giving high fives and providing encouragement. We could hear them announcing the winners of the timed race as we got closer to the finish line.

Here's a picture of my triumphant (if not beet red face).

Claudia and Kathy look happy it's over as well.

Our ending time was approximately an 1 hr 22 min 15 seconds. Which isn't bad for a first timer and two hot mama's!

We then celebrated in true San Antonio fashion, we ate!

I forgot to take pictures before hand because I was starving so you get to look at my leftovers.

Cracker Barrel Pecan Pancakes with approx 2 tbsp of syrup.

Delicious! I was feeling a bit dehydrated so I chugged water with these bad boys.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself with this 5k and am totally doing it again next year (if they'll have me) only next year maybe I'll do a little more training before hand.

Who knows maybe next year I'll run it (stop laughing! It could happen).

For more information on breast cancer, or what you can do to support breast cancer awareness please visit the Komen San Antonio website.

See ya later Mavs!

2010-04-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

Guess who is drinking free coffee this morning?
ME!
The Spurs killed the mavs last night which resulted in the fiance and dog running around the apartment like maniacs, neighbors coming over with congratulatory high fives, and free coffee at Valero this morning.
Playoffs (for any sport) tend to be a rough time diet-wise at our house. The big guy loves his sports! Especially his teams the Spurs & the Cowboys. So anytime one of his teams does well all the diet stuff goes out the window and we subsist on a diet of buffalo wings, chips and dip, beer and pizza. In short guy food, which is not healthy food. I've tried to curb this trend by filling our cabinets with healthier snack food like popcorn, nuts, Cheerios, baby carrots, and such but somehow they never get eaten by anybody but me as I try to ignore the fried, saucy goodness of whatever the big guy is eating. I eventually end up snagging something off of his plate or if I just can't help myself, like when he orders bread sticks (oooo boy do I love bread sticks), I try to keep to just a serving of whatever he is having.

Which leads me to my question:

What's your go to snack recipe to keep the boys in your house happy on game day while keeping your waistline trim?

"When are you getting back to your blog..."

2010-04-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

is Dad speak for get off your lazy a$$ and do something.

Thanks Dad.

As I explained to him, if you had the week I had last week (and part of this one) you'd hide under a rock and wait for the sh*t storm (literally) to pass as well.

Let me explain (if you are eating or about to eat you might not want to continue):

I went home early midweek due to a migraine that had induced a bout of nausea that was unbearable I ended up passing out the second I hit the bed and stayed there for quite sometime.

However that's not the issue.

Thursday I took a pre-scheduled mental health day. Totally set on enjoying my migraine-free day off I slept in until ten-ish. Only sluggishly crawling from my bed to take the dog out for her morning walk/potty time. Then I opened the bedroom door.
I was assaulted by the worst smell I've ever smelled in my life.

Poop...

Poop...everywhere!

Walls, couch, living room floor, kitchen floor, the dog was COVERED in it...oh my god.
Being the clear thinking individual that I am I got the dog out of her poo covered bed (gagging the whole way) and immediately got her to the bathroom for a quick rinse.
It didn't take me long to realize that my 70+ pound dog doesn't like water.
She ended up dragging me from the bathroom, nearly ripping my arm out of it's socket, and slamming me against our water heaters door.
I corralled her in a tiled portion of our hallway (thank god for baby gates), then set to work trying to clean up what I could of the mess. I got most of the surface grossness cleaned up when I called the big guy crying begging him to come home. Then sat outside our apartment for a little over an hour periodically checking in on the dog but unable to really spend long in the apartment due to the smell.
In short the big guy got home we rented a rug doctor, secured bleach, pine sol, air freshener and all sorts of cleaning goodies and set to work.

It took us FOUR hours to get the smell down to where it was bearable.

At that time we decided it was time to tackle the dog. It took both of us to get the dog into the bathtub again. Luckily I paid attention during my brothers football practices and was able to tackle and block the dog from jumping out of the tub. One of her escape attempts I wish we had on film. It was a perfect tackle. I would have made any high school coach proud.

I was stressed and hurt all over from scrubbing the walls, floors, and dog by hand. So I did what any fatty would do. I drowned myself in chili cheese dogs/fries, buckets of Dr. Pepper, and Hostess orange cupcakes.

I've been dealing with the aftermath of this all weekend (the smell oh god the smell!!). Which has been a load of fun!

My eating hasn't been the best but when I step on the scale I'm holding steady at 298. I'm trying to get back on track. I want to lose at least 25 pounds for the wedding. That's my goal.

I finally got my iphone back! Which is awesome because I can start using the Lose It app again. Sparkpeople is cool but they annoy me with all their ads, forums, point wheel, and challenges.

It's like get out of my face.

There is nothing worse than a reformed fatty preaching to others about what overweight people have done wrong all their lives and how they can fix themselves if they buy their branded special water bottle, moisture wicking tee, shake weight, etc. (which is why I HATE biggest loser and refuse to watch the show)

If you like Sparkpeople and it works for you then great! Stick with it! For me though, I'm to much of a pessimist to really buy into their bubbly facade.

So anyway (I swear I wasn't going to go on that tangent originally),

I will be back to tracking and posting this week...just in time for my first 5K.

God help me.

Momma's Little Exercise Machine

2010-04-19T06:57:00.001-07:00

I'd like to introduce Morticia, our 70+ pound, seven month old Great Dane. She's a stinker.

The big guy and I talked long and hard about taking on a Great Dane. After all we live in an apartment complex and while we have a pretty good size one bedroom apartment these dogs can get upwards of 150 pounds. However we discussed it with one of the big guys work friends (who has two Danes himself, and his wife runs a Great Dane rescue) and they assured us Danes are great apartment dogs because they are lazy.

Or at least when they get older they are lazy.

As it stands our dog has fits of energy that send her catapulting off of furniture, knocking over coffee tables, knocking our mattress off it's box springs, and don't even get me started on what home girl has done to my rug.

This is nothing however to the workout she gives me when I take her outside for a walk/potty break. I'd like to think that I'm not all flab, that there's still SOME kind of muscle left under this fluffy exterior. However, when I'm being dragged around by this stubborn dog it takes everything I have to bring her to a halt.

After a day of wrestling Morticia I feel like I've had a full body work out. My abs hurt, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts, the list just goes on and on.

It feels like a work out because it is. So while Morticia is a puppy and a pain in the keester, she's gotten me moving when I would have just spent my mornings and evenings watching reruns of hoarders while munching on potato chips.

Now I spend my mornings and evenings taking her for a walk and playing fetch. Eating on the couch? Not anymore, heck we're contemplating a taller table because she can now successfully put her entire chin on the top of ours and eat the food off our plates.

So when people ask what kind of diet I'm on I now tell them...The Great Dane diet (patent pending of course).

Snicker if you must but as a local pet hospital's billboard recently said:

"If your dog is overweight maybe YOU should go on a walk."

Finding inspiration in a green squishy...

2010-04-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent my last break of the day outside under the covered parking in front of our office hiding from our stupid Texas weather where it rains as the sun is shining. While I was there I noticed this little squishy...

I stared at this little bugger for almost ten minutes watching as he steadfastly made his way to wherever he was going. This little dude was on a mission. Even with the birds staring down hungrily at him from the nearby trees, the landscapers blowing leaves around, and some giant chick looming just feet from him. He never stopped. No matter what he encountered be it a divot in the cement or rock blocking his way. He found a way to make it work.

Slowly but surely he would get to where he needed to be.

Then it hit me.

I'm just like this little squishy (he's a baby caterpillar I was later informed).

I may screw up, I may encounter rocks, holes, and things that are scary to me; but I know where I need to go and I know deep down I can get there.

I just need to be more patient and have a little faith in myself.

This whole experience made me remember something my father recently mentioned in an email, he sent when he noticed my enthusiasm for my diet was flagging.

"You may not be where you want to be on 9-18, but I know you'll have done your best. Don't give up, I'm behind you."

I guess sometimes the inspiration and motivation that we need the most will find us whether we are looking for it or not.

Slimfast Hell-Week One Weigh In, Coming Clean & a 5K is how far?

2010-04-12T18:53:00.000-07:00

Last week weigh in 298.8

This week weigh in 298.8

What the heck? I starved myself and was completely miserable for a week only to come out even?

Slim fast you are the debil!

What's worse is on Friday my Dr.'s scale actually showed a gain (they showed me at 301), which kind of took the wind out of my sails. : (

What's a girl to do?

My Dr.'s appointment went well. My blood pressure is back under control! Which is one of the reasons I originally embarked on this journey. I'm super happy to report no blood pressure meds for me!

I finally came clean with a doctor about the depression and anxiety that has plagued me for years. I've never really come clean to anyone (except for my fiance) about the extent of my struggle. I've had days where I could barely get out of bed because my anxiety was so bad, I can't go anywhere public alone without being gripped by terror, heck even calling a person on the phone makes me nervous (which sucks considering my work requires me to do this everyday).
Some days I can barely function.
My attendance & performance at work has suffered, I haven't been able to make many new friends because I have problems putting myself out there to meet new people, worst of all I've sabotaged my own weight loss efforts because I've been too afraid to sign up for a gym or even go to a park for a walk by myself.

I've kind of touched on this before in my blog but have never really come clean about how bad it is.

The doctor prescribed me some medication to help with both. Unfortunately one of the side affects of both of the drugs is weight gain which is the last thing I need! However since I've been taking the medication I've been feeling MUCH better. Another plus apparently this medication is also used to help people stop smoking. So maybe it'll help in that department as well.

Shortly after seeing the doctor I signed up for the Race for the Cure 5k in San Antonio.

Yeah I know...stop laughing!

This is one of those races where it's perfectly acceptable to walk the 5k, it's more important to be there to help raise support for breast cancer awareness. I'll be walking with a group of people from my work and some close friends. So hopefully I'll be able to keep up. My goal is just to finish.

I've never done a 5k before but I'm really excited to give it a shot!

Cannibalism really? Thanks Slim fast!

2010-04-08T05:12:00.000-07:00

Yes I know the world is going to erupt in flames! I'm posting more than two days in a row. Why? Because I'm trying not to eat things I shouldn't and so I plan to take it out on my blog.

I was trying to talk myself out of a walk during my lunch break yesterday. After all, I am on a limited caloric budget and walking would totally burn through that. Which wouldn't be a bad thing if I didn't need those precious calories to you know work. I did end up walking though just a quick lap around our parking lot. I wish I could say it was life changing but it wasn't. I moseyed along at a leisurely pace as I was passed up by old ladies with clicking pedometers in business clothes. All I could think of was food and how hungry I was.
I briefly wondered if the little old ladies in front of me would taste good and contemplated going after them diablo style ripping them limb from limb, but decided against it as old lady meat would mostly likely be too gamey/stringy to really be enjoyable.
Cannibalism really? Thanks Slim fast!
All I seem to think about is food or my lack of food. I don't see how people can do this (slim fast) for long periods of time. It's miserable! I'm making my coworkers miserable as well. When they bring in their plates of free food apparently I make a face like I'm constipated. What they don't know is I'm trying to keep myself in my seat so I don't attack them like a rabid animal and steal their food. Job be damned. I somehow have been able to remain in control, though I made a trip to the bathroom yesterday only to be assaulted by the sounds of a coworker ordering Chinese take out of all things. Sesame chicken with a side of shrimp fried rice, to be exact. Needless to say I basically ran to my desk and started chugging water. It got a little bit better once I ate my second snack of the day my last blueberry greek yogurt and 1/2 cup of Fiber One original cereal.
The only bright part of my day was reading my copy of "Such a Pretty Fat" by Jen Lancaster which I brought to work to kill some time. If you haven't read it you need to do so asap! She's so snarky it takes your mind off of being so hungry!

Dinner was another Smart Ones this time it was some kind of creamy rigatoni w/chicken chunks and broccoli. I was sorely disappointed by the serving size and found myself hungry again moments after eating. I remained strong though even when we ran to the store to get more apples and yogurt. I ended up splurging on these cute little single serve veggie cups, one little container of broccoli w/cheese sauce is 40 calories! I ended up having one of these and a babybel light mini cheese wheel (50 cal) for a snack with a glass of water before bed.

Yesterday's caloric intake 1,459.

Today's going to be another fun one apparently another hotel is coming in (I swear it's a conspiracy 4 days in a row is just to hard to ignore!) they are bringing bar-b-q again. *sigh* I'm almost through my first week so there is no point in giving up now! Though I'm going to be super excited once I get to go back to eating like a normal human being!

(enter witty title here)

2010-04-07T07:06:00.001-07:00

This was me an hour after dinner last night.
I did eventually workout doing 30 minutes of cardio and a few strength training exercises like squats, lunges, calf raises, pushups, and crunches just to name a few. I was so hungry it made it really hard to focus, there were a few times when I almost just crashed out on the bed instead of doing another rep but I pushed through.
As soon as I was done though I did end up passing out.
What makes it even harder is that with the spring comes pollen. In south Texas that equates to a visible layer of yellow pollen covering EVERYTHING! It makes it miserable to breathe! I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s everywhere! Yesterday when I went outside (I was totally not smoking...okay maybe I was...) there was so much pollen it was like a fog hanging in the air (I tried to take a picture but my temporary cell phone camera stinks). It makes it super hard to do any kind of movement that doesn’t result it an asthma attack.
Benadryl has become my best friend.
My diet was exactly the same as yesterday except for dinner I had another Smart Ones this time it was Salisbury steak w/Mac & Cheese. As you noticed I'm relying on boxed meals for my dinner. Why you ask? Because I don't trust myself not to gorge on homemade dinners. I knew when I started kicking around the idea for my Slim fast diet I would need to work on portion control because I'm horrible at letting my portions slide towards the larger side. I was afraid that the calories I would cut not eating large meals for breakfast and lunches would be made up for during dinner.
I've always eaten massive portions because that's what the people around me have eaten. I realized that I’ve gotta get real and what better way to get real than eat pre-proportioned frozen meals even if they taste like butt (at least just for now)?
Today is going to be the same, in fact another vendor brought in sandwiches from Jason's Deli. Did someone send an email out to these hotels and tell them to schmooze us this week because of my diet?
Don't worry I'm being strong.
If strong means incredibly snappy and just generally a b-i-t-c-h.

I wish I had the energy to come up with something witty and sarcastic to say though the combo of Benadryl and lack of calories are sapping my brain of every and all thought. I’m gonna be so happy when this little experiment is over!

I just want to chew something people!

2010-04-06T06:42:00.002-07:00

Day one of SlimFast hell has come and gone thank god. Yesterday was hard, but I expected it to be.

I started the morning off a SlimFast sweet & salty chocolate almond meal bar, one cup of coffee (with half & half and sweetener), and yakult (kinda like activia only you drink it and it costs half the price). The bar was okay it didn't so much taste bad as the consistency was off. It was kinda like brownie meet Oreo cookie but in a bad way.

My snack was half an apple and a tbsp of peanut butter.

Lunch was hard because a vendor brought in free pizza. I kept having to remind myself that I had a vanilla Slimfast shake in the fridge. Needless to say I got a little snappy when my coworkers came in with their plates piled high with greasy awesomeness. The shake was better than I remembered, though still tasted weird. A coworker told me that the weird taste actually comes from the can, and that if I poured it into a cup it would taste better. I'm definitely going to try that today!

Last snack of the day was blueberry greek yogurt and a handful of almonds. I was freaking starving! I was barely able to keep my head up and my words were coming out all jumbled! I was a mess! So I grabbed an extra yogurt. BTW I take back all the horrible things I said about greek yogurt. When it is mixed with blueberries and a packet of sweetener (thanks pasta queen!) it is AWESOME!

Dinner was a Smart Ones frozen dinner- Santa Fe style beans and rice which I ended up doctoring with 1/4 c colby cheese and a packet of taco bell sauce. I even splurged for a soda. After eating all of this, even with all of my splurges my calorie count came out to 1,639! Pretty good considering that the last time I tracked on Sparkpeople I clocked in like 3000 calories. I even snuck in a 15 minute walk in the morning before work!

Today started out much the same way minus the walk (I was running late). A vendor is providing lunch from Panera Bread and it is killing me to know that food is there free for the taking and I have to drink a stupid shake. I keep chanting it's just for a week in my head but the 5 year old portion of my brain is stomping it's foot and sticking it's bottom lip out. *sigh*

I'm so hungry I'm ready to chew the leg off my desk, it might taste better than Slimfast...mmmm nothing like a little metal to start the morning!

Okay I have to stop thinking about food...or my lack of.

I'm really not looking forward to my Dr's appointment. It's with a new physician so I'm a little anxious. The last doctor I talked to was a total nut! She had her dog in the examination room with her. I don't know if she thought it helped her bedside manner (she didn't have any), but I found it incredibly unprofessional and a little distracting. Needless to say I never went back. This guy has great reviews, and the receptionist seemed nice. I guess we'll see how it goes!

"Whether you think you can, or you can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford

Hoppy Easter!

2010-04-04T14:14:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter everybody!
I have to say this is the first time in many years that I've not celebrated Easter surrounded by mountains of multi-hued foil wrapped chocolates. I'm proud to say that we didn't buy any! I guess we are lucky we don't have children and I can get away with just not buying those types of things. In fact we didn't even get a chance to boil any eggs!
For dinner the big guy and I are going to make some whole wheat quesadilla's using some left over BBQ chicken from a friends party we went to yesterday.
Then tomorrow it's the first day of the new diet.
This next week will consist of the Slimfast plan. I know, I know before you close this window out in disgust hear me out. I've never really tried to stick to their plan but in theory it works. Reducing your calories while increasing exercise is the common method to losing weight. All Slimfast shakes/meal bars are a method of portion control. Sure they taste like butt. However in the past few months I think I've shown that I SUCK at portion control and being consistent with my diet.
Slimfast isn't going to last forever though. I've committed to a week just to see how it goes, If I can handle it I'll do it for one more. Then just like south beach after two weeks the plan is to shift back into a more normal diet of three rounded meals a day plus two healthy snacks.
Oh and I'm going to start posting my weekly weigh-in stat's on the stat's page so you can see them anytime you want.
I go to the doctor on Friday to check in about my blood pressure problems. Which according to the at home monitor I bought awhile ago isn't so much of a problem anymore. We'll see though.

Save the Date

2010-04-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

Check out what I made all by myself!
I plan on printing this out on some magnet paper and sending them out next week!

Being that this a wedding weight loss blog, it's funny that I've yet to post anything about the big day itself.
Originally the plan was to elope. The big guy however convinced me that I would hate myself forever if I didn't have my family there when we got married. I'm not much of a planner so planning some big elaborate shin-dig wasn't going to happen. So the idea to go to Vegas with a small group of family and friends was the perfect compromise.
We will be getting married on September 18, 2010 at Excalibur Hotel and Casino (you know the big cheesy castle). Here is a picture of the chapel we will be married in.

We're still trying to figure out where exactly we will have the after party...er...I mean reception. The big guy wants to just hit a buffet line somewhere. Eh...no.
Anyway I should probably get back to work. Just wanted to show off my handy work.
Oh and I've figured out a plan for revamping my diet...I'll update shortly.

Hmmm...

2010-04-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to write a birthday update for the past two weeks. I'm not going to lie I have one written up halfway, if you count a running list of all my failures in the past few weeks an update.
Awesomely bad things happened over the course of my birthday and all the progress that I had made has gone down the drain. The sad thing is I didn't care at the time. I basically just threw my hands up in the air and gave up on myself. After all it was my 23rd birthday I should enjoy it right? So I gave in to my whims: homemade pina colada's made with vanilla ice cream and spiked with a few shots of 90 proof coconut rum? Sure! Turtle cheesecake? Hell yeah! Lemon Meringue pie? Why not? Chicken & Dumplins? Can I have some more please?
The list of my indiscretions goes on and on.
I'm ashamed.
Now you see why I've put off updating for so long? I feel like crap. My body aches, I've had migraines, tummy aches, sore shoulders, and my anxiety levels have gone through the roof.
Yet I keep on eating.
Tonight we technically did an Around Town Thursday but it was Mexican again and I did not even look for anything healthy. I just ordered the usual Cheese Enchilada's with a side of beans & rice. Tortilla's and chips & queso. Followed it all down with a 32oz Pepsi. I didn't even bat an eye.

I did however step on the scale.

I'm back to 300 pounds.

300 frickin pounds.

My wedding is 170 days away and I've done nothing but go backwards.

I need a restart. I need a do over in the worst kind of way. I think I'm going to take this weekend to regroup and come up with a plan.

Wish me luck. Lord knows I need it.